traveling crazies

So my posts have been kind of lame lately. Sorry. I was laughing at myself realizing that for someone who claims to not know how to cook I have been posting a lot of food topics lately. Eh. They are easy to put up. And my brain has been slow this week. Tired. Very un-witty. And I have been getting these crazy headaches. Too much caffeine? Not enough? Who knows. (No, really, I am not. Don’t ask. Don’t think it.) Because of this I have been wearing my crazy nearly-dreaded-too-long hair down. I really very nearly have dreads. Eh. I am okay with that. (Is that weird of me? That I am okay with that? I wonder.) If you see some woman with crazy long hair and two charming (in public) children, that is me. Hi.

So, we went to Iowa over the weekend to visit relatives and in particular my grandmother.

Have you ever driven long distances with young children? One of the evil-est things. Ever. You think “oh, this is going to be great. Sing songs. Color. Look at books. Listen to music. Play I spy.”

Yea. All of those things take up approximately 22 minutes.


a moment of traveling zen. sleep my pretties. SLEEEEEEP.



You then have 4.75 hours of “Mommy she is touching me.” “Mommy. I want MORE FRUIT SNACKS.” “Mommy I DROPPED MY NEW TIGER!” and “Mommy I want to BE THERE by now!” (me too buddy, me too).

Even the little one got in on the action.

“Mama! No Bruh-ber! My SIDE.” (Can you believe my dear sweet baby was yelling MY SIDE??? Last night she actually said to me in her defiant little baby voice. “NO! DON’T!” ACKKKK!!)

So, like all good parents we start bribing them.

“If you don’t stop throwing things you get NO POOL.” The hotel was chosen on account of its indoor pool.

Pool. Hmm. Dada did you remember your suit?

No. (This is what happens when I let dada pack for himself.)

Stop at Target and buy shorts that pass for swim trunks.

Back in the car.

“WHY ARENT WE THERE YET?”

I don’t know. God. WHY??

Of course it’s also raining, which terrifies me. (Driving in rain. Not the actual rain. Although I do hate thunderstorms)

Finally I turn on Baby Beluga. Dada is BEGGING me to choose other music. But this CD is the ultimate soother. Must. Get. Child. To. Stop. Whining. At. Any. Cost.

The rain slows to a drizzle. The babies sleep. Yes. Peace.

We get to the family event and breathe a sigh of relief. Of course we had gotten up at 5am and had had only crap coffee the whole drive. Trying hard. Trying hard. SMILE.

And then someone offers me a mimosa. AH! YES! PLEASE! (gotta love family events like that!)

We survive the morning. The kids are charming.

And then little man has “an accident.” We were playing ping pong in the rec room. He starts dancing around. “Hey, do you need to pee?” “Yes. Um. Not anymore.”

Great.

Honey can you go grab the kids bag?

Sure.

Make sure you grab their bag not ours, you know the little suitcase.

Huh? What suitcase?

The one packed and sitting by the front door….where it still is…apparently.

Crap.

We scrounge the diaper bag for clothes. Stop at Target. Again. Buy swimsuits and change of clothes. Get to the hotel. NAPTIME!!

No one will nap. The pool prospect is too exciting.

We head to the pool. FREEZING COLD.

CRAP.

At least they will sleep well tonight, with no nap, right? That night it becomes evident that this is NOT AT ALL TRUE. Not. At. All. It doesn’t help that a frat party of a wedding is happening below us AND some national soccer tournament for girls ages 10-12 is staying at our hotel. And running through the halls screaming until 1am.

Fun times.

The next day we take another freezing dip in the pool and head over to Grandmother’s retirement home for dinner. A big Sunday dinner with roast. And my kids, darlings that they are: Refuse to eat. Scream for dessert regardless. Dump glasses of OJ and glasses of milk on the floor. It’s like they have choreographed this chaos to especially charm me. Lovely. I am of course humiliated but as we leave and I apologize to every table around me all the other residents smile and laugh and say please come back we loved the show.

Stepping back from the chaos you have to think. Yea. They certainly are lively. That is for sure.

The drive home goes down just as the drive there. But the clouds have parted and the gorgeous Midwestern sun smiles down on us as we pass lovely gold cornfields and the blue blue sky is dotted with fat fluffy clouds that look like a child’s painting. I love the Iowan landscape.

By the time we arrive home we vow never again to drive 10 hours out of 24. We pinky swear on it. Never. Ever. Again.

And that is how I spent my weekend.

No wonder I am tired.

Luckily it is my birthday weekend this coming weekend. I plan on milking it for everything it is worth. Shopping. Movie with a sister. Dinner out with dada. Sleeping in. I want to be celebrated dammit. (Insert winky face guy)

Ok. Enough whining. Off to a playdate.

Maybe more coffee first.



Next up: how to make the world’s easiest baby hat