OH MY GOSH HELP ME SOMEONE I AM DROWNING IN LAUNDRY AND DISHES AND RUNNING AND CHASING AND WORK CALLS AND TRYING TO HAVE A LIFE AND JUST EAT THE DAMN NUGGETS ALREADY
This. Is. My. Life.
No seriously, eat the damn nuggets.
I am so tired.
Dada is working this crazy hours job. Have I mentioned this? We have made some crazy interesting assortment of friends on the island. Including many in the movie making biz. So he is helping them on a shoot. Turns out movie making is not glamorous. Not when you are part of the crew anyway.
And I am kinda dying.
We are talking 16 hour days up on a mountain with no cell service anywhere.
I AM LOSING MY FRICKING MIND.
And so I stop writing and blogging. Which means I stop processing. Because writing is how I process. And I totally wanted to do the November Novel writing challenge this year. But that requires being able to stay awake past your children. And I cannot. At all. Sometimes even cant before they are asleep. HA.
But, as one does, one must be gracious with oneself when one is overwhelmed.
Sara. In the past when you have had a baby the novel writing month thing has also been impossible. Yes, yes, Sara good point. Now, now Sara. You will write a novel someday. You will get this organization doing good things off the ground. It will be okay.
Grace. To yourself.
Then an ugly election happens and you try to understand. WHAAAAAAT????? And read far too many New York Times articles using up brain power typically reserved for things like remembering to turn around the laundry before it smells nasty.
And all the ugly gets too throaty and raspy inside you.
And so you have to step back. Cancel meetings.
Lift up your hands and let go.
Holding tightly to things (be it plans or emotions) is usually only harmful to ones self. And you are too precious to harm with silly things like unmet expectations for say, a massage promised for one's birthday more than a month ago.
So. Hey. Let's live in the moment. For a moment. Come on Sara. Let's go buy some books with grocery money. Let's take the kids to the park, on a whim, with milk in the car. Lets go out for shaved ice at bedtime, let's go swimming after, in the dark.
Let's let go.
Let's look straight at the future, eyes shining, unblinking, big girl pant(suit) on, and say, yes, you are right, I do not know what the future holds. Or even where we are going to live in three weeks time. But...there are possibilities...and it will be OKAY.
So let's hold teething cranky baby as he sleeps. And slow down.
Honestly, this baby was such a gift to our family at this time in our lives. He MAKES me slow down. He makes us smile. He is at the stage now where we just all sit around and watch him and giggle together. Ten year old little man flips him around, kisses his neck, calls him his "little manny," the girls coo, and Little Green says he is her best friend.
Here Sara, have some more chocolate. It helps, it really does. Write out some to do lists in a new pretty notebook (with attached pen) Pack up the kids for (another) trip to Target. Make a date with a friend for coffee. Day in, day out. The season will be changing soon. All those dreams will come to pass. For now, fill up.
The best is yet to come.
Which isn't to say this isn't the best. But we gotta believe for the best. For the future. For goodness and love to prevail. Even when things seem tough. Right? It's necessary, so necessary.
Sip tea. Light a candle. Pray. Rest. Eat buttery French toast. Go for a walk at twilight. Hold the baby while he naps. Eat an entire bowl of chex mix. Drink good wine. Write to do lists. Connect with a friend. Make a plan to be a changemaker in your corner of the world. Buy someone coffee.
Life is full of moments and opportunities to be kind to others, and ourselves. And every act is worth it.
Hugs mamas. And sorry for the sporadic writing. I miss it. I miss June. She is just super tired. WHERE DOES ONE VACATION WHEN ONE LIVES IN PARADISE??
Target. With an iced latte.
See you there.