Funny thing about waiting nine months + for a baby, baby is born, head clears after a few weeks and suddenly you are like, NOW WHAT??
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how i spend many an afternoon, sitting on the stoop, bouncing baby love
while the hooligans run off their halloween candy... |
Waiting for that little soul to come into the world is such a monumentous thing, nothing like it really, maybe waiting for Christmas when you were like 8 or so, remember that? The countdown, the anticipation, the daydreaming? And then going back to school in January....ugh.
I am not at an ugh point, not at all. Its just...what is next, you know? Like oh, ok, Thanksgiving, that will be nice, Christmas, yes definitely fun, but there is nothing as life changing on my horizon, at all. And so...
And so.
This is life. You know? And we get up in the morning and give kids juice boxes and breakfast bars (I am particularly lazy/unavailable in the AM hours. Baby love likes being nursed and held...and nursed and held...and repeat...and repeat...) And then play outside, some housework, laundry, maybe something crafty if my energy is up, maybe even, GASP, some writing. And then lunch, then naptime (or not? Little miss is transitioning away from naps, we still do quiet time but we are in that awkward nap=10pm bedtime, no nap=crabby evening...what to do...) Then afternoon play, then maybe a story with mom or some playdoh, then dinner prep, then dada is home and dinner, bath, bed...
And the next morning...
I do it again.
Its not that it is bad, not at all, it just IS. You know?
And then the whole skin cancer thing (now removed and resolved) and then the car breaks down and costs upteen dollars to fix and now babylove may apparently have a port wine stain birthmark...on her eye...and...well, I am TIRED.
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how i spend many an hour... |
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and when she wakes up like this its all the better... |
And, I am horribly bad at the whole "what is next" thing. Its always been a major struggle for me to be present in my day, I am much much better at it, even to the point of conquering that mindset, but every now and then I go, oh, okay, this is my life. And I love it, husband, babies, house SO so much, you know that, but every now and then I think, what about living abroad, writing a novel, doing do-gooder work again, etc. And I know it will come and I am in that baby phase now, and it goes so fast (I have a FIVE YEAR OLD?) I know that. Its just...Huh. I dont know.
Does anybody get this? That post-baby excitement...dare I say it...letdown?
Oh, that sounds evil.
But I look at them and GOOD GOD I love them, I do. I am so proud of them. And of me, for doing this, being at home with them. I do it, and I know, most days, I do it well.
I was trying to do
this little game, to pull myself out of this post-baby funk, but, well, even now as I try to blog, I have to stand and bounce baby love sleeping in the wrap, too fussy just to sit and be asleep in my arms. Space and time to sit at the computer are, well, hard to come by.
And, its okay, its good. And I know this too shall pass, as they say, all too quickly.
And so. And so.
And so I look at the little faces around me, and I look at the cozy house around me, and I snuggle my snuggle baby, and laugh at my crazy kids, and, well, and I HAVE to be content. How can I not?