Nearly two weeks ago I was suffering from terrible headaches, several days in a row. And when I say suffer I mean SUFFER. Like, SUCKY. Like, DONT TALK TO ME.
Yes, two weeks ago. Yes, I have totally posted since then and not mentioned anything "dready", I know. I just couldn't. Not yet.
So, long story short. There is nothing significant or inspiring about it. I stood in front of the mirror with a comb, late at night, kids in bed, terrible headache, dada at work, and I started combing.
And I kept combing.
For three days.
And It Was SO Awful.
I compared it to childbirth in telling my sister about it the day after I was finally done. Standing in the shower, cramped in pain (from hours of tilting my head to comb, I'm not making this up) everyone asleep, saying to myself "I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN." and "WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF???" and crying, honest to God crying.
HA HA HA.
And then immediately in my mind "Sara, did you just compare combing your dreads out to childbirth?"
Why yes, yes, I did in fact.
And really, I woke up the next morning, when they were finally combed out and little miss greeted me with "Oh MOMMY, you look LOVELY" and right then and there my dreadlock days were over. (....for now)
And that, as they say, was that.
Really Sara? Nothing more?? No dramatic "feeling lightness and warmth and goodness spreading through your soul?"
No. Just the simple "I started combing and kept going" as an explanation. That's all I got right now. Oh, I've been thinking about it for awhile. At first when I started combing I had decided, one more summer, maybe dye them fun colors, then chop it off in the fall. But, I just kept going.
And yes, mostly its weird because, well, I feel NORMAL again. Mousy brown shoulder length hair with no style (what resulted after combing is what I still have!)
Blah. Really blah.
Have you ever been to another country where you looked very very different? Like, when I was in South East Asia, or working in the Middle East, I got so used to the "different" looks that when I got home it felt very disconcerting (and welcome at the same time) to blend in, to longer be your "own."
Eh.
I am thinking I will cut it short. (I have inches of frizz to deal with) and dye it blonde. I am not ready to be "normal" again. Although the blonde thing is hard because I am lazy. Who has time to deal with roots every 6 weeks??
Is being weirded out by normal, well, weird of me?? It totally is. No more punk kids complimenting this 30something year old mother of three on my hair. In fact. No one will. I showed up at a few places with my new "do" and people were like "huh. Its um, short now!"
And if I sound a tiny pissed, I guess I am, maybe. But it had to be done. It wasn't healthy hair anymore. It was starting to tear. I lost two locks only three inches from my scalp several weeks ago. And I had NO desire to wake up and find my hair gone AT the scalp. And also, if I started out with waist length hair four years ago (almost) imagine how long it is (was) now!!??
That is a LOT of hair. No wonder the headaches, you know?
But yes, light, and soft and all that. I put my hair up in a ponytail one day to get it out of my face and little miss says "Oh MOMMY! You look like a NORMAL MOM!"
Well, good then.
I was waiting to post something when I had decent looking hair to show as an "after" pic. But. I got nothing.
So. You get nothing.
Ha. So.
No more dreaded mama...(well, for now)
Just me. Being me.
That's all I got.
mama, she tells me. you have SPARKLY hairs!! Um, yea, that wasn't there before. crap. normal AND going grey.
time for some boxed blonde goodness :)
So, I saw you at Target the other night, shopping with your mom, browsing the dollar spot, rolling your eyes at her as she asked your opinion about something trivial. Your side looks of perhaps, maybe, admiration? I saw your mother check out me too with that "Oh good grief, does that woman have dreads in her hair" look on her face. And I saw you see that response. Your look of "So wait a minute, that lady can "be different" and have three kids and a husband? And shop the dollar spot on a Saturday night? And just be "normal" but "different" all at the same time? Really???"
And maybe I am reading a lot into those looks. But I am pretty sure I saw that all take place. Just like I get comments from kids, hanging out in the rough section of the city on skateboards, the old me would clutch my purse tighter as they came riding toward me full speed, the dreadlocked me stops and smiles as they slam their skateboard to a stop right in front of me, look up at me in surprise and say "Wow. Nice dreads."
And I smile and say thanks.
And. You know. Different. I am good with different.
Perhaps its growing up in a giant family. One of a row of ducklings in the grocery store, taking up a whole pew at church. Then being raised a homeschooler, when homeschooling wasn't a thing people did. And then traveling overseas, going to place where people reached out hands, perfect strangers, to touch my long blonde hair, a novelty in their corner of the world.
Perhaps I am just comfortable with "different."
But here is the thing, my friend with the purple hair. You are rough, we see your piercings and the hair, of course, and the carefully stylized "I don't care" clothing ensemble. But you are also sweet and kind. And you may roll your eyes but you shop with your mom on a Saturday night and answer her questions and I saw you pick out a puzzle for your little sister because you said she would like it.
And, here is the thing.
Don't be "different." Don't try to be "different."
Just be.
Be the multidimensional person you are. If that means purple hair, go for it, but don't think you need purple hair to "be different."
Just be.
The world doesn't have a "you" in anyone else, except you.
And I want to give you a hug. To thank you for trying to express yourself, so bravely. Meanwhile I see girls you go to school with, groups of three and four walking around the mall with matching sweatpants with words like "Sweetie pie" on the rear end and Ugg boots (NOT knockoffs) and tight t-shirts (and no coat!) and long hair and coach wallets in the latest color set. And I have to say thank you for being someone different. For trying your hand at individuality. Because really, I'd rather my daughters one day be the one purple haired girl in their class than one of a matching set of girls all the same, unable to step out of the mold to be anyone "different."
But hey, that's the thing right, don't feel like you have to be "different," like you have something to prove. Let go of the need to prove your difference. Just let it go, and BE, be YOU.
...And awkward segue way here...
...because have you seen the movie "Frozen"?? We saw it last week and I can't get the music and the message out of my head. Its lovely. About Sweden! And sisters! And finding who you are! And who you should be in the world! And empowerment! And this song, I swear, gives me chills up and down. I think its my theme song for the next transition year of my life. Transitioning away from the world of tiny babies, into the land of writing book international go-getting mama and suddenly I realize how okay I am with being different. With being me. And honest to God, how I am kind of in love with my life, and, am I allowed to say it, who I am becoming? Mother, wife, sister, writer, blogger, homesteader, artist type. All of it. And yes, purple haired girl's mother. Yes, I have dreads, and I'd apologize except, well, I'm not sorry. I'm proud of who I am and who I am becoming. And really, sincerely, I hope the same for your daughter, mine too. Hugs to you mama, out there, wherever you are, for being cool with the purple hair, even if you really aren't. I hope you can see there are more offensive things in the world than dreads and purple hair for your daughter to admire, and I say that sincerely with good wishes, my fellow mama in the trenches.
And okay wow. This is really a "rah rah go me" post. I don't mean to say I'm "all that" but sometimes its good to step back and say objectively, yes, that Sara, she is KICK ASS, and really admire that, and that is what evil side glances/stares of admiration from purple haired girls do for me.
So, there you have it. My thoughts. And honestly please seriously see this movie. At least listen to this song.
Let it go, let it go And I'll rise like the break of dawn Let it go, let it go That perfect girl is gone Here I stand in the light of day Let the storm rage on!! The cold never bothered me anyway.
(except for that it DOES bother me, ITS COLD OUT)
Hannah, keep reading below for "how to make dreads" tips. GOOD LUCK!
So, tis is for Hannah who dared to ask the question, "Tell me, Sara, how DID you get those dreads in your hair."
So, yes, rolling out the dreads was quite the process. Like any good thing in life, it takes some doing. Ha. Um. Anyway.
Section off little bits and pieces. Keep the chunks under one inch. Smaller is easier to wash and keep clean. Now there are lots of theories out there about the "how" and which method is best. I chose to avoid all wax and NO perm dreading, thank you. I read too many scary things about chemical burns and hair falling out and wax that attracts bugs and mold. EW.
So, I sectioned off bits and pieces, after not washing my hair for several days, not too long though, just a few days. Then get those tiny rubber bands to keep all the sections in place. Then gather some sturdy combs and sturdy friends with sturdy hands. And then start teasing each strand back, like old school ratting up the hair, one lock at a time, your hair will bunch all up but will flatten down eventually, so don't freak out when you look like a total puffball. Because you will. There is also a "ri and twist" technique that I used when a few fell out. You will have to google this because its impossible to describe without pictures.
Now comes the hard part. Tolerating the next few days/weeks as you wait for it to "take." I didn't wash my hair here, for awhile. I did spray my scalp with some water and lavender oil. Finally after a few weeks, two maybe, I washed my hair with my standard routine, now I do this once a week. Take 1/4 cup of baking soda, 2 tb of lemon juice and mix in hot water, then stir in a few drops of tea tree oil (helps with the musty smells that inevitable happen) and lavender oil. I also use ylang ylang oil, because I like it. That first time I let the solution sit and soak on my scalp and in my hair for a good 20 minutes, then rinse in hot water. Now I just use this solution like shampoo once a week, like I said. Maybe one other time a week I wash with Dr. Bronners peppermint soap diluted in water. I have also done vinegar rinses a few times, which totally gets rid of musty smells and really softens your hair.
During this period and for the next several months just roll your dreads every now and then. I think I did this to each dread for several minutes after the initial ratting too, to get the poofs settled down. Just hold your dread in your palm, flat with your thumb hooked around the top to hold it in place, then use the other palm to roll back and forth working your way up and down the dread. I still do this. My kids do this to me. HA HA. No seriously, they do.
I also used several sort of trouble shooting techniques that first year. At one point the ends just weren't holding well so I did the loop and tuck technique (like flipping a ponytail once its in to create rolls of hair on the sides, remember when that was a thing??) this helps locks the lock in place. It also causes weird lumps in the dread when it grows out. I wouldn't recommend it. I also did tie embroidery floss around a few of them to strengthen them. I have one that needs this now. The floss eventually came out, except for the one that was meant to be permanent. I also used wool and a felting needle to felt around one of them with my one "in real life" dreaded friend. I should do more of that too. What I would recommend if your hair isn't "locking" is to use those tiny clear plastic hairbands to secure your locks at the roots. This really worked and I should've just done it right away. Once things seem more securely in place you can just easily clip them out. I think I just broke them out by pulling a little actually.
So there are my "recommendations." But really, do what works, just try to avoid wax and perming. Also remember your hair will be MUCH shorter after dreading, not at first, but eventually within a few months. My waist long hair was just below my shoulders after 6 months. I would recommend growing your hair out first before dreading. Its easier to keep them in at first with longer hair too. More hair to get knotted up.
So hey, there you have it. Happy dreading! Also, read this original post after I did the dreading. HA. The whole "dreads" series of posts are also entertaining. Click on the "dreads" label on the side.
early dreads. before sisters and mom got out them.
the length keeps coming up as the dreads really take
this is fall of 2010
dreading sisters!
after sisters and moms combed them
dreads after several months
early dreads
late winter, that first year. see how much shorter my hair got!
the favorite summer hairstyle with dreads. this past summer
the crown braid. love this one.
me pre dreads. (baby little man!!)
the dreads, a year in
my typical hair style, this past summer.
long and crazy dreads. three years old this fall
the original inspiration picture...I'd say I'm there!
I have reached a milestone, I've just realized, that all mothers of young children dream about. I seriously remember longing for this moment, years ago, and here we are.
I have just uttered the words...
"Go outside and play!"
And they go...
And I am still inside...
MAGICAL.
Of course, I will check on them. The windows are open and I can hear them playing under the deck. All is well and safe and such. And of course, they will be in and out all morning. But still, I am here, and they are there, and no one is going to eat sand or wander into a road or anything.
You understand the exquisite nature of this moment, right???
RIGHT???
In any case.
I have had the kind of past few days where I am needing to DO. DO MORE.
I pulled apart the newly arranged family room so I can paint one wall with chalkboard paint. (Won't that be fun???)
I sanded and oiled a stump to use as a coffee table in the room.
And now I'm digging around on the internets, looking for writing gigs.
I am feeling this intense need for this writing thing I do to "mean something" to "be towards an end" other than just me amusing myself. (Which is fine too I suppose...)
Magazine articles? Ugh. Lots of research and work. And we all know how lazy I am.
Literary journals? I find these so complicated and then half of them charge a fee to send something in.
Finding agents for book projects? Maybe? But, this is like winning the lottery. The chances are that remote anyway.
Entering contests? Well, this feels good and proactive of me, but the odds are just as remote I suppose.
Eh. So I just blog. And. Maybe I need to actually do work? And not be lazy? Perhaps. Yes, sure, this is what I need to do.
Like with my running jag. I get up to a couple of miles, easily, and then, break my toe, get a summer cold, and now the idea of running is like, not appealing.
I am lazy.
But I need to shake myself out of it. Stay up a few nights a week writing, sending out queries, DOING IT, MAKING IT WORK (as dear Tim Gunn would say.)
Do you do this? Find yourself searching for more? What is next? Maybe something different? I know lots of talented moms doing the photography thing on the side, or selling things on Etsy, I guess I need to find something like that.
Or, maybe its just time to rearrange some furniture. Ha.
All that to say, I posted on Facebook the other day about the yummy gluten free crepes we made for dinner. They were so fab I had to share (PS I never use the word fab in real life, only in writing).
Here you go.
Combine 1 cup of GF flour mix ( I use the kind by Namaste flours) and maybe 3/4 cup of almond meal (dada finally got to Trader Joes to get some, yay!), 3 eggs and dash salt, sugar, vanilla (more sugar if you are going for sweet. we were going for savory so I barely added any) and a tiny pinch of baking powder. Now, here is the anti-recipe just winging it part, keep adding milk until you have the "right" consistency. I'm sorry. Dada and I both kept adding milk as each new attempt came off the skillet and I have no stinking idea how much milk we actually used. Two cups maybe? Total guess. As to the cooking on the skillet part. Like with pancakes, the key is the right temp of the skillet and the right amount of butter. Only trying and trying again will get you good results. (Dada is the master of this at our house, not me.)
Once they come off the skillet thin enough to roll try this combo - bacon, goat cheese and fresh rasberries. Seriously. SO GOOD. The almond meal gives it great texture and balance to the gluten free flour mix (didn't I just sound like a total foodie writing that??? HA!)
perfect for this navel gazing introspective post - a picture of my dreads,
but of course ;) (I say that, as a caveat, as all good Midwestern girls should, mean
while I totally support a good navel gazing session every now and then. It is
good and necessary for the soul. Much like sending the children to play outside alone.
HA HA HA HA)
so yes, they are super duper long and dready now, and its amazing how many positive
comments I get out here in the country, as opposed to in the city. maybe
just more of a novelty here?
So we are at my parents farm with my giant family for our giant family camp excursion. Since having four babies in the family in the past two years this tradition has turned into parking campers at the farm and grilling burgers. Ha.
One thing about having sisters, we do each others hair, still. So for those who are curious about dreads and such here is my little sisters creation, the dread crown updo. Kinda fun right? Kinda fun to take selfies too to show off, remember those days?? Ah, 16...my Cali friends and I would totally do this for hours. And 20 years later, still at it apparently. Ha ha.
Literally every time I have had a free (rare, precious) moment to sit down and blog in the past four days the computer has a) crashed or b) kicked me off the internet. Its really crazy. Its making me crazy.
Also, I am very much not a fan of one-handed blogging (while nursing or holding a sleeping child) Its uncomfortable and my thoughts dont flow, like I am only using half of my brain, which, I am only using half anyway (without copious amounts of coffee) so that is what, a quarter of my brain? Not good.
In any case.
What am I posting about?
Oh yes.
A friend of mine started her "dreaded journey" recently (yes, horribly cheesy of me to say that about hair, I know) and it made me think that I hadnt posted pictures lately. You get all back of the head shots here as I look TIRED and er, baby faced (with baby weight) lately.
Funny things about dreads. Little miss recently came up to me rolling her little tufts of blonde hair in her little hands. Look mom, I doing it like you!
Little man always draws me with long Medusa-like hair sticking out of my head, I love it.
A little college freshman girl came up to me at the mall saying she admired my dreads and she had recently put hers in too. She had little pink barrettes and ponytail holders holding said dreads in place, a fringe-y curled bangs, and little horn rimmed glasses. She was adorable.
Okay. That is all. I am supposed to leave the house in approximately 22 minutes. Still in my pajamas. The race is on.
So, my sweet little sisters are really into these wrap tie friendship bracelet things and while at family camp one sister says to me, "hey, we should do this in your hair!" And I was like, "totally you should!"
So they did.
I don't know how long I will leave it in but for now, I am loving it.
wrapping and wrapping.
trying to take a picture of my hair myself. :)
this picture, taken by little man, makes me think, my gosh i need to
suck it up and go to a salon to have a dreadster dread these babies up for me.
but then i put it in a ponytail and forget about it.
So dada commented the other day that my hair was looking particularly "dread-y" lately and then someone on facebook asked how the dreads were looking so of course, I had to oblige with some pictures. (Holy Self-Absorbed Batman!! HA.)
So, here you are.
wow am i pasty. MUST. GET. SUN.
very dready from this angle...
also, my hair used to be just an inch or two
above my waist...
obviously its MUCH shorter now.
crazy huh?
So. It has been glorious outside. Okay, relatively speaking. Glorious to me=sunshine, temps above 40. Good enough. We have been spending a good chunk of the afternoon outdoors, we even made it to the park!
Last week, however, was not so nice. So, to make myself feel better I sat the kids in front of Wall E one afternoon and went to town on a stack of ugly, and I mean UGLY, clothing. Pleated pants, sweater vests, etc. Okay, no, one shirt was super cute but ripped and stretched out.
Here is what happened.
see, already super cute. i just shortened the
sleeves and mended the rips...
terrible picture. she REFUSED to pose.
but it is super cute.
So, now we move on to the ugly sweater shirt thing. Really, who wears these?
i cut out a rough dress shape, i should've made
it tighter...
you cant tell here but i stitched the pockets on
with a super cute leaf stitch...
also, i would like to note, i had to bribe them with
JELLY BEANS to get them to pose.
i made a matching head scarf thingy.
i like it. it should be smaller though.
Now for little man. A pair of dada's pants with pleats. Why do men buy pants with pleats? One reason. Sales. Also, I was out of the country when he bought them.
pants are so super easy to make. just cut
out along a pair of pants that fit your child
well, add in a waist band. sew in elastic.
add some pockets. VOILA.
okay, not that easy. I ripped out the waistband
and redid it because there wasnt enough room
in the rise. they are still low waisted but, oh well
notice the super cool pose. this is
what jelly beans get you folks!
large pocket for dragging around crap.
And we can't forget about baby (though I do, most days! What me? Pregnant? Are you sure I am not just FAT???)
this was my first ever purchase at "THE GAP" when it was
a super cool store, back in the early 90s. super soft jersey
waffle shirt and pants. i miss this shirt..
but it made a REALLY cute hat!!
And now for mama...
this is a "circle scarf" out of jersey fabric to warm one's neck
i seriously love it. going to go make more now...
just used a long scrap of jersey. i didnt even finish off the edges!
i think i like it better as a head wrap!! totally
making more for summer.
And those are my creations. I love something from nothing, don't you??
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