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Tuesday, July 14, 2020

July blues

Folks. Folks. Folks.

What a past few months, huh?

SO. Not only COVID and etc. The roller coaster of emotions and worry and euphoria but...then we had the George Floyd murder, right in the neighborhood of one of my nonprofit clients, and everything felt/feels so big and....big...

And here I am. Sitting in my living room, fan on, coffee by my side, once again contemplating homeschool because the thought of managing four children in distance learning programs next fall makes me want to scream, silently, inside my own head, whilst bugging out my eyeballs, and making faces at the world.

Do you catch that BIG BIG FEELING?

I just can't. Its July and I am already despondent about fall choices.

But you have to stay positive! For your kids! For the good of society!

But. But. But.

BIG FEELINGS.

Honestly I am sitting here on the couch with my coffee ready to cry. My parents are on a two week vacation. My dryer isn't working and I don't want to call my landlord. Ugh. So I suppose I am writing myself out of a funk right now. Or trying to. LUCKY YOU.

I also am trying to buy a house. Folks. Trying to buy a house is like the worst. I mean. The decisions. And the thought of writing a check that big. The thought of making choices that will impact us and our relationships and so on. How does one do that? That kind of choice? I have been in constant transition for so long now. So long. Five years really. Life was turned topsy turvy with Hawaii move and then topsy turvy with divorce. And now I think I don't know how to face transition anymore. Its like this ugly beast and I just want to hide in my tiny rental house and work and not make any decisions. But tiny rental house. COVID lockdown once again looming (do you think it'll happen again? I am just imagining winter in this house with homeschool and four kids and OMG I need a bigger house.)  Okay. I don't feel any better. Shoot.

BIG FEELINGS.

And for some reason I thought this was a perfect time of life to engage in a doctorate program. So. There's that. Why did I think that? Because I am dumb, that's why. I got a B+ on my first paper. I started crying. I actually emailed the professor in shock, like some whiney entitled 19 year old. HA HA HA. Oh Lord. Save me. I ONLY GET As! UNACCEPTABLE. Good grief, I am ridiculous.

BIG FEELINGS.

But Child A, who is now taller than I by several inches, my little man, so big, just made more coffee. Children B and C are upstairs playing American Girl dolls, and Child D is at summer play school for the morning (outside, only a few children, temps taken every day and etc.) And I have house options, and the wherewithal (can you tell I am back in school, using that word, HAHA) to actually buy a house, which just blows my mind. And work is steady. And my kids are healthy and happy.

And things will work out. I mean right? They will. Right?

Still. The BIG FEELINGS seem to blow me away. 2am. Staring at my ceiling fan. Clutching my pillow. Just SO FULL OF BIG FEELINGS.

So that is where I am at. July blues. You?















Tuesday, March 24, 2020

love in the time of covid 19

“He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”
― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera



Yes. I haven't posted in awhile.

You know. Its like.....I don't know.

I have been so busy. SO DAMN BUSY.

My work is busy (hashtag blessed) but so chaotic, unpredictable. Up until two weeks ago I thought nightly I was having a panic attack. One doesn't really blog when one is in such a season. If I did my posts would consist of .....

HEEEELLLLLPPPPP.

And...

AM DYYYYIIIIINNNNGGGGG.


So. I didn't post. Something about the "strong post-divorce mom" vibe makes me feel like its not allowed.

And then.

THIS.

AlL ThIS CrAP...... iS thE WorLD FaLliNg APART?????

FFS.

I just. I can't even.

And now. I AM A HOMESCHOOLING MOM AGAIN.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh. The irony.

But also. I have clients. Who expect me to be on two hour conference calls smack in the middle of the day. And. Two university classes. That now have to be adapted to be online. I swear to God I am getting hourly emails from students about this or that technology that isn't working.

Deep Breaths.

I have come here, back again, June apron on, to express/remind myself about healthy homeschool habits in times of transition.

We, my babes and I, have had a shit-ton of transition in the past few years.

And now. THIS.

So. Reminders for you, for me.....pour a class of wine with me. Let us talk.

1) lower your expectations. Ok. Good. Now lower them again. Keep going. THERE. NICE AND LOW.

2) Don't try to pick up the house until the end of the day. Leave the crafty clutter on the table. The legos on the floor (tread carefully). It is POINTLESS TO SHOVEL IN A SNOWSTORM. Unless you are my over achieving neighbors all good Midwestern folk know this. It also applies to the homeschool life.

3) They can do more than you think they can do. Make a list. Put it on the fridge. Even if you don't follow it the idea of a routine is comforting. Let them wash up the lunch dishes. Pair the socks while listening to music. Etc.

4) Play is learning. Build a tower using different kinds of blocks. Is it easy? Hard? Hand them needle, thread, some cloth, and a small doll and let them try sewing. Set up obstacle courses with the furniture (dont YOU do it. LET THEM). Time who is the fastest.

5) Think creatively about what "education" means. Now, I adore the educators in my life, but a lot of days my kids come home from school with 0.25 hours of schooling to talk about and 3.75 hours of social drama to tell me. This applies here too. For instance:
- Math and home economics (child B made spaghetti for dinner. Child C stirred the chocolate chip cookie dough. Child D "helped" by dropping an entire dozen eggs on the floor - yes they all cracked- and yelled about it for 27 minutes)
-Computer skills (All children learned to google, youtube, and etc. from drawing flowers to what ventilators really do)
-Outside nature exploration (GO OUTSIDE. no other instruction required.)
-Extracurricular - photography (Child A discovered his camera still worked and walked around taking pictures for 15 minutes)
-Music (Child B/C/D made up a routine to some pop song, rehearsed it, until Child D claimed his part was not extensive enough and threw a fit and everyone started crying)
-Art exploration (Child B/C/D spent hours digging through old crafty boxes, painting, taping paper airplanes together, taping paper together, coloring said paper, playing with sand, creating flowers to hang on the door, etc. etc. etc)
-Group dynamics, team play and social interaction (All children got all up in each other's faces over and over again and SURVIVED)
-Social skills/etiquette (Child D was reminded, firmly, that screaming about going poop when Mom is on a client call is not polite)
-Health and cleanliness (this one is a given)
-Physical education. (GO OUTSIDE. no other instruction required.)
-Current Events (Child A spent much too much time on reddit reading pandemic news)

See. Leave out all the remarks in parentheses and TADA, you are a bonafide HOMESCHOOL PRO.

You are welcome.

Seriously though. Parents. Be easy on yourself. Be easy on your kids. Mine are looking for more hugs. We are reading a book at night together again, Mama has been too tired to do that. I sit up late with teenager watching his dorky humor shows (yes, with laptop open). Take a nap with your toddler. Plant some flowers to get ready for spring.

This is tough. Yo. BUT SO ARE WE, DAMMIT.

Love you all.
-Sara









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