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Thursday, May 11, 2017

check in and thoughts on motherhood as mothers day approaches

Its been almost 6 weeks since I have posted???? Bad mommy blogger BAD.

Lord have mercy.

Life has been crazy.

Somehow I am juggling it all (with dada extra-ordinaire taking his swing at the primary caretaker bat half the day) although round about Thursday each week (today) I think "hmmmm, I am going to have a meltdown/breakdown" and I start to cry and say I cannot do this anymore.

And then, I do what all mommies do round about Thursday when they meltdown/breakdown and cry and say they cannot do it anymore.

We get up.

We do some dishes.

We eat copious amounts of chocolate.

Make some tea.

Call our moms and cry.

And then we freaking just do it.

Because it needs done. All of it. The doings out of the house. The doings in the house. The laundry. The school plays. The staff meetings. The tough conversations. The preparing of lectures for class. The midnight feedings. The sweeping of the floor. The settling of sibling fights. The grading papers. The finding of missing shoes. The pulling of the toddler baby guy off the table for the thousandth time.

Over and over. All the doings.

We do them.

Because we are mamas. And we are amazing. And somehow even when we cry and say we cannot do it, we still do it, because that is what we do.

And I know, dear sisters, that some day, sooner rather than later, we are going to look around, and see no more toddlers, no more siblings fighting, no more crumbs to sweep up, no more school plays, and we will miss it all.

Good God, we will miss it.

So for now. I am trying so hard to love into these little beings. Even as the outside pressures cave in on my mothering time. I squeeze my now five foot tall ten year old (FIVE FEET TALL! And the other day I bought him HAIR GEL - that he adorably pronounces "Gell" with a hard "G" sometimes - PER HIS REQUEST, and he uses it now EVERY DAY.... WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING TO MY BABY BOY???) and I walk with my arm around him in public, and he nuzzles me back, happy to be next to me, and I squeeze baby boy as he kisses me on the cheek and says "Mama, I ove oo!" and my Green Girl asks me to braid her hair, and I say but of course, and Little Miss declares her need for a hug and I cuddle her and smell her sunshine-y hair and ....

GOSH DARNIT (insert swears from my head here) I AM A LUCKY MAMA.

And yes, lady at the check out, there are four of them. Right? A TON OF KIDS???? (Sarcasm, dear reader.)  But to me, I look at them feeling confused by these comments. Because they are not just a "lots of kids" they are four amazingly awesome people, some of them quite small and still in need of nose/butt wipes yes, but. But, nonetheless, little people. And they are my people. And they are worth it. So avert your eyes if the size of my brood dismays and/or confuses you.

Because I am their mama.

And even in the craziness of this current season (IS IT SUMMER YET?????) I am so proud/lucky/privileged/amazed, that I am theirs.



Kisses and Hugs.
Busy, Crazy, Absent, but-not-yet-falling-apart-GOSH-DARNIT, JUNE

our volanco, Hualalai

this face pretty much is "mom put me in a yellow sweater jumpsuit because
it was my brothers and she is feeling nostalgic but it is really hot and i
dont want it on but i do REALLY REALLY WANT THAT CAMERA MOM!"

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