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Wednesday, July 6, 2016

the thing about us and homeschooling...or, my incredible guilt and simultaneous elation about next year

So I have been meaning to write this post for awhile, but I wasn't quite sure what to say, or how to say it. So I guess I just have to give it to you straight

Um.

About the school thing.

I'm tired?

Not tired.

That isn't right.

I'm not like, give me another cup of coffee and I'll make it fine, tired.

I am weary.

Like, carrying too much, too many things to do, too many lists in my head, too much of everything, infant and kindergartener and big kid coffee wont touch it weary.

But here is the thing. That is just half of it. This isnt about me feeling "burnt out" I wont even use that phrase. Because we are doing this for them too. I want them to have the good stuff. The field trips and extra classes. Friends. Teachers who invest in them. They know how much we love and value them. I want them to feel this from other adults too. To have this input into their lives. To be around other kids who are different than them.

But it will be hard.

Because I love being by my kids, I will miss the daily of our old routine so so much. I will cry about it, I am sure. I will miss knowing every detail of their day (but also NOT miss it. HAHA)

But that is just the thing. That was our old routine.

It isn't where we are now.

I have meetings and conference calls, conferences even, and I am trying to do all these "good things" and I feel like, well, I wasnt giving my best to our homeschool. I know I could do better and every day, when I didn't do "the best" I knew I could do, I felt horrendously crabby. And then I snapped, taking my guilt out my kids.

Here is the thing a very smart mentor lady here told me. I want to be a parent to my kids, not their teacher.

I can do both roles, I mean, I could. but now, all my best highest intentions have devolved into two roles, mediocre teacher, and crabby mom. And if I can be one I choose mom. Fun, happy, crafting, cookie-baking, project-doing, trip-taking mom. And yes, we will learn together and we will discover things, but I can do that as fun mom role, not cracking the books teacher role.

We will come back to our home schooling journey, definitely. We love the ease of it, the flow of it, the togetherness of it. We will pack up our books, load up the kindles, probably just next year, and hit the road with four kids. Mexico! Then England! Who knows...

But for this year, we need more structure. I need more support. Our kids also need it too, for a year, I think. Friends. Activities. A connection to this very different place we now call home. Our new school teaches ukulele (!) hula (!) Hawaiian (!) and sustainable agriculture! And it is Waldorf-y!

So I am going to do this teaching, book writing, baby tending, mommying year. Just not the homeschooler part. (Though you can bet your bottom dollar I am going to end up on the PTA by the end of the year HAHAHA)

I have many more things to say about this transition coming up but its all too swirly right now.

So I am trying to get this vision of our new normal into my head. Packing lunches. Out the door by 7:45am (literally one of the most stressful things to think about!) Dropping the kids off at school. Going to my office. Writing on my book. Working on my teaching materials. Baby in the play pen next to me. Sipping iced coffee. Pick up Little Green at noon, go to lunch, run errands together, home for a bit, then pick up the big kids. Homework (!!??) play time, dinner out of the crock pot (or take out!?) Play outside. Books. Bed

Stay tuned for a variety of whirlwind emotions. HA HA.

not sure how this relates except perhaps...the sun is setting on my homeschool days...
FOR NOW....
WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH....also, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY...
GULP.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

the deep 'eh' of summer

Oh My Gosh Sara. Its only the end of June. Are you really in "eh" already??

Yea?

Kinda.

I am.

Here is the thing. I like routine, to a point, exciting routine! HA.

And when I wake up to kids immediately asking about TV or ipad games and there is no school work to anchor our day...I kinda lose my grip.

But SARA! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR AMAZING SUMMER LIST???

Good question.

My amazing summer list is taped to the wall and pretty much ignored, just a few weeks into summer.

Why, SARA, WHY??

Well. Because mama is tired and lazy. Mama has a baby who loves watching brother and sister, cries when he drops his toys, and refuses to nap if he sees the kids doing anything remotely interesting (no seriously, how do I get this kid to nap in his crib, GAH!!)

My Little Pony and the iPad are saving my sanity right now, is the problem.

Also. We shipped our entire blasted minivan all the way from Minnesota to find out....duh duh DUH...that it needs the ENTIRE transmission replaced (not just HALF a transmission mind you, the ENTIRE THING.)

So.

Dada has been walking to work. At 5am. So the mama can shlep the kids and baby and snacks and ice water to three hours of karate lessons twice a week. (Martial ARTS mom, NOT KARATE)

Yes, BUT SARA. You LIVE IN HAWAII. GO TO THE BEACH OR SOMETHING, HUH??

Okay. Here is the thing about the beach with three kids and a baby and a dada that works nonstop. 1) Its COVERED IN SAND. Everywhere. SAND. 2) Its hot. 3) The big kid goes into the waves and proceeds to give mama a heart attack. (I'm body surfing mom! Really? Because from here it looks like you are TRYING TO DROWN YOURSELF.) 4) That's enough reasons actually.

I haven't been to the beach in two months. Oh, I know I know, I will get back my beach mama mojo soon. Right now though? TOO MUCH.

Did I mention I broke my toe? (Stubbed it on the coffee table, holding a screaming baby, while texting dada the following familiar message - WHERE ARE YOU??)

But. Now to flip it around. Karate, er, martial arts, is saving us this summer. Lots of our friends take their kids and all the moms sit and talk with iced coffee and the instructor is great and the kids are adorably good at it.

And dada is borrowing a moped from a friend for the next several months. No more walking at 5am and we can now go together places as a family, albeit with two vehicles. Costco here I come!

And I actually got appointed an office on campus. (This is a big deal, space is at a premium) AND IT HAS AIR CONDITIONING. This means. Me and baby are heading down there every few days where I plan to put him in a pack n play with tons of toys while I sip iced coffee and mess around on the internet, er, I mean WORK, of course. I can just imagine the cool silence. OMG. HA. YAY ME.

And all that work-y stuff is going pretty well. We are doing a seminar this summer. And I am teaching next spring. Social Justice Advovcacy How to Make A Difference Type Stuff. Its gonna be good.

AND I am actually plugging away at my new novel idea. That's right book number three, for some delusional reason. Somebody gave us an old laptop that only has word processing. Perfect because then I can't be tempted by further perfecting my Amazon shopping cart or flipping through my Facebook feed. Maybe someday this one will be THE ONE?? (I'm still trying to sell book two. Gotta keep the faith, right??)

Writer/social justice lady, here I come.

Our minivan, over on the other side of the island, is in fact fixable and we have a trustworthy mechanic working on it. One day soon, minivan, you shall be MINE, and I shall cry tears of joy at your return!

The pool. SAVES MY LIFE.

What else?

I read an article recently about some study done on the Danish, maybe? Somewhere in Europe. Just their untiring optimism. And how framing how one perceives events in life is so important. For instance, Sure we have to get the house tented for carpenter ants on Tuesday BUT we also get to spend 24 hours as a family on a mini vacation around town, which we have never done. AND no more cockroaches! Yay! (See how good I am at this??)

And best of all...

My little sister, a brilliant rock scientist of some sort, is in between college and grad school and she is ACTUALLY COMING HERE. TO STAY. ALL SUMMER. We are ecstatic. And we are saving all of our camping and hiking and touristing energy up for when she is here along for the ride. YAY AUNTIE MOLLY!

So, you see, with all this. Mama be like, um, do a chore, then fine, GO AHEAD AND WATCH MY LITTLE PONY. Ha.

One can only do so much.

Rock on summer mamas, rock on.







 I took the kids ALL FOUR KIDS to a parade BY MYSELF. My outing as fun mama for the month. HA HA HA

 King Kamehameha!

 I love this picture...







 No seriously, I broke my toe.


 One more episode Mom???

 Out of my front stoop...
 I can't express how blessed I feel by this guy. I find myself taking a picture of him every night after he falls asleep...






the deep 'eh' of summer

Oh My Gosh Sara. Its only the end of June. Are you really in "eh" already??

Yea?

Kinda.

I am.

Here is the thing. I like routine, to a point, exciting routine! HA.

And when I wake up to kids immediately asking about TV or ipad games and there is no school work to anchor our day...I kinda lose my grip.

But SARA! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR AMAZING SUMMER LIST???

Good question.

My amazing summer list is taped to the wall and pretty much ignored, just a few weeks into summer.

Why, SARA, WHY??

Well. Because mama is tired and lazy. Mama has a baby who loves watching brother and sister, cries when he drops his toys, and refuses to nap if he sees the kids doing anything remotely interesting (no seriously, how do I get this kid to nap in his crib, GAH!!)

My Little Pony and the iPad are saving my sanity right now, is the problem.

Also. We shipped our entire blasted minivan all the way from Minnesota to find out....duh duh DUH...that it needs the ENTIRE transmission replaced (not just HALF a transmission mind you, the ENTIRE THING.)

So.

Dada has been walking to work. At 5am. So the mama can shlep the kids and baby and snacks and ice water to three hours of karate lessons twice a week. (Martial ARTS mom, NOT KARATE)

Yes, BUT SARA. You LIVE IN HAWAII. GO TO THE BEACH OR SOMETHING, HUH??

Okay. Here is the thing about the beach with three kids and a baby and a dada that works nonstop. 1) Its COVERED IN SAND. Everywhere. SAND. 2) Its hot. 3) The big kid goes into the waves and proceeds to give mama a heart attack. (I'm body surfing mom! Really? Because from here it looks like you are TRYING TO DROWN YOURSELF.) 4) That's enough reasons actually.

I haven't been to the beach in two months. Oh, I know I know, I will get back my beach mama mojo soon. Right now though? TOO MUCH.

Did I mention I broke my toe? (Stubbed it on the coffee table, holding a screaming baby, while texting dada the following familiar message - WHERE ARE YOU??)

But. Now to flip it around. Karate, er, martial arts, is saving us this summer. Lots of our friends take their kids and all the moms sit and talk with iced coffee and the instructor is great and the kids are adorably good at it.

And dada is borrowing a moped from a friend for the next several months. No more walking at 5am and we can now go together places as a family, albeit with two vehicles. Costco here I come!

And I actually got appointed an office on campus. (This is a big deal, space is at a premium) AND IT HAS AIR CONDITIONING. This means. Me and baby are heading down there every few days where I plan to put him in a pack n play with tons of toys while I sip iced coffee and mess around on the internet, er, I mean WORK, of course. I can just imagine the cool silence. OMG. HA. YAY ME.

And all that work-y stuff is going pretty well. We are doing a seminar this summer. And I am teaching next spring. Social Justice Advovcacy How to Make A Difference Type Stuff. Its gonna be good.

AND I am actually plugging away at my new novel idea. That's right book number three, for some delusional reason. Somebody gave us an old laptop that only has word processing. Perfect because then I can't be tempted by further perfecting my Amazon shopping cart or flipping through my Facebook feed. Maybe someday this one will be THE ONE?? (I'm still trying to sell book two. Gotta keep the faith, right??)

Writer/social justice lady, here I come.

Our minivan, over on the other side of the island, is in fact fixable and we have a trustworthy mechanic working on it. One day soon, minivan, you shall be MINE, and I shall cry tears of joy at your return!

The pool. SAVES MY LIFE.

What else?

I read an article recently about some study done on the Danish, maybe? Somewhere in Europe. Just their untiring optimism. And how framing how one perceives events in life is so important. For instance, Sure we have to get the house tented for carpenter ants on Tuesday BUT we also get to spend 24 hours as a family on a mini vacation around town, which we have never done. AND no more cockroaches! Yay! (See how good I am at this??)

And best of all...

My little sister, a brilliant rock scientist of some sort, is in between college and grad school and she is ACTUALLY COMING HERE. TO STAY. ALL SUMMER. We are ecstatic. And we are saving all of our camping and hiking and touristing energy up for when she is here along for the ride. YAY AUNTIE MOLLY!

So, you see, with all this. Mama be like, um, do a chore, then fine, GO AHEAD AND WATCH MY LITTLE PONY. Ha.

One can only do so much.

Rock on summer mamas, rock on.







 I took the kids ALL FOUR KIDS to a parade BY MYSELF. My outing as fun mama for the month. HA HA HA

 King Kamehameha!

 I love this picture...







 No seriously, I broke my toe.


 One more episode Mom???

 Out of my front stoop...
 I can't express how blessed I feel by this guy. I find myself taking a picture of him every night after he falls asleep...






the deep 'eh' of summer

Oh My Gosh Sara. Its only the end of June. Are you really in "eh" already??

Yea?

Kinda.

I am.

Here is the thing. I like routine, to a point, exciting routine! HA.

And when I wake up to kids immediately asking about TV or ipad games and there is no school work to anchor our day...I kinda lose my grip.

But SARA! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR AMAZING SUMMER LIST???

Good question.

My amazing summer list is taped to the wall and pretty much ignored, just a few weeks into summer.

Why, SARA, WHY??

Well. Because mama is tired and lazy. Mama has a baby who loves watching brother and sister, cries when he drops his toys, and refuses to nap if he sees the kids doing anything remotely interesting (no seriously, how do I get this kid to nap in his crib, GAH!!)

My Little Pony and the iPad are saving my sanity right now, is the problem.

Also. We shipped our entire blasted minivan all the way from Minnesota to find out....duh duh DUH...that it needs the ENTIRE transmission replaced (not just HALF a transmission mind you, the ENTIRE THING.)

So.

Dada has been walking to work. At 5am. So the mama can shlep the kids and baby and snacks and ice water to three hours of karate lessons twice a week. (Martial ARTS mom, NOT KARATE)

Yes, BUT SARA. You LIVE IN HAWAII. GO TO THE BEACH OR SOMETHING, HUH??

Okay. Here is the thing about the beach with three kids and a baby and a dada that works nonstop. 1) Its COVERED IN SAND. Everywhere. SAND. 2) Its hot. 3) The big kid goes into the waves and proceeds to give mama a heart attack. (I'm body surfing mom! Really? Because from here it looks like you are TRYING TO DROWN YOURSELF.) 4) That's enough reasons actually.

I haven't been to the beach in two months. Oh, I know I know, I will get back my beach mama mojo soon. Right now though? TOO MUCH.

Did I mention I broke my toe? (Stubbed it on the coffee table, holding a screaming baby, while texting dada the following familiar message - WHERE ARE YOU??)

But. Now to flip it around. Karate, er, martial arts, is saving us this summer. Lots of our friends take their kids and all the moms sit and talk with iced coffee and the instructor is great and the kids are adorably good at it.

And dada is borrowing a moped from a friend for the next several months. No more walking at 5am and we can now go together places as a family, albeit with two vehicles. Costco here I come!

And I actually got appointed an office on campus. (This is a big deal, space is at a premium) AND IT HAS AIR CONDITIONING. This means. Me and baby are heading down there every few days where I plan to put him in a pack n play with tons of toys while I sip iced coffee and mess around on the internet, er, I mean WORK, of course. HA. YAY ME.

And all that worky stuff is going pretty well. We are doing a seminar this summer. And I am teaching next spring! Social Justice Adovcacy How to Make A Difference Type Stuff. Its gonna be good.

AND I am actually plugging away at my new novel idea. That's right book number three, for some delusional reason. Somebody gave us an old laptop that only has word processing. Perfect because then I can't be tempted by further perfecting my Amazon shopping cart or flipping through my Facebook feed. Maybe someday this one will be THE ONE?? (I'm still trying to sell book two. Gotta keep the faith, right??)

Writer/social justice advocacy lady, here I come.

Our minivan, over on the other side of the island, is in fact fixable and we have a trustworthy mechanic working on it. One day soon, minivan, you shall be MINE, and I shall cry tears of joy at your return!

The pool. SAVES MY LIFE.

My little sister, a brilliant rock scientist of some sort, is in between college and grad school and she is ACTUALLY COMING HERE. TO STAY. ALL SUMMER. We are ecstatic. And we are saving all of our camping and hiking and touristing energy up for when she is here along for the ride. YAY AUNTIE MOLLY!

So, you see, with all this. Mama be like, um, do a chore, then fine, GO AHEAD AND WATCH MY LITTLE PONY. Ha.

One can only do so much.

Rock on summer mamas, rock on.







 I took the kids ALL FOUR KIDS to a parade BY MYSELF. My outing as fun mama for the month. HA HA HA

 King Kamehameha!

 I love this picture...







 No seriously, I broke my toe.


 One more episode Mom???

 Out of my front stoop...
 I can't express how blessed I feel by this guy. I find myself taking a picture of him every night after he falls asleep...






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