My buddy and me.

My buddy. My buddy. My buddy and me!

No I am not talking about the ugly boy doll popularized when we were teenagers (possibly still in gradeschool?)

I am talking about that other buddy. My Blackberry. Or, my “boyfriend” as my husband refers to it. (Note: for the purposes of relating you may substitute Blackberry for I-Phone, if it suits you)

I would like to hypothesize (in the words of Buddy the Dinosaur - give me an I-love-PBS-Kids if you know who I am talking about) that the Blackberry is a crucial tool, nay a crucial survival mechanism, for the 21st century mother.

Can I get an AMEN?!

I am not talking about using it once a day, or even a lot. I am talking unhealthy codependent relationship levels of use.

I sometimes fall asleep with my Blackberry grasped in my sweaty, cramped hand.

I feel a pang when I shut it down (reserved only for church or some other solemn occasion).

I sleep with it tucked into my bedframe. On standby mode.

Any blink of the red light and I pounce on it. Someone emailing me? A text? Yes, please.

And what, you ask, is my use of this unholy time-sucking device?

Pure escapism, as you well know. If you own one and you are of the yoga-pant-wearing-set you know what I am talking about.

An example:

7:32 children force mommy out of bed.
7:35 I reach over for Blackberry on the side of my bed
7:36 I check email
7:45 diaper change, check. Milk and squeezie yogurt, check.
7:47 coffee settling in French press
7:50 coffee in mug
7:52 Facebook check number 1 (More on Mommyhood in the Facebook era later…)
8:17 E-online check, number 1
8:23 break up fight over truck book
8:27 Facebook check number 2
8:43 Argue with 3yr old over what music is appropriate for 8:43 in the morning. He is into Green Day lately. We settle on the Beatles.
9:05 laundry started, dishes done
9:07 second mug of coffee
9:10 Facebook check number 3
9:12 CNN check number 1/E-online check number 2

And on and on it goes…

My favorite escapism lately is E-online. Ted Casablanca is an unbelievably witty hilarious gossip columnist whose gossipy secrets of Hollywood has filled many a restless hour watching Planet Earth while holding a sleeping infant/baby/toddler. (My babycakes-the-second STILL prefers to nap in my arms. I am too lazy to fight it. Its peace and quiet, you know?) I am also recently into www.ew.com and www.people.com. And oh, who could forget about Lainey Gossip. Hi-fricking-larious.

I know A LOT about celebrities.

Don’t judge. You know you do it too.

And then, yes, the occasional email that needs to go out (especially in my former consulting days) as well as the inevitable Mapquest to a playdate or, less frequently, to a moms night out location.

I wonder some days what would happen if I only had a phone. If I turned off the browser capability. I think i would lose my mind. On occasion when I lose connections, flying or out in the country, I have found myself reaching for it, did anyone email? Any particularly witty Facebook updates? And then the disappointment, oh, yes, that is right. Sigh.

The worst is when I can’t find it. God, help me, I can’t find my phone. (No, I am seriously begging God to help me find my phone at this point). It has gotten so bad my 3-year-old actually will ask me as we leave the house “Mom, do you have your phone?” (He also reminds me to remember the house keys. I sound like a lunatic now, huh?)

Really, I need help.

What are the 12 steps? Admitting you have a problem is the first I think.

There, on the road to recovery already….

Now, where did I put that thing? Jack, have you seen my phone??

No, seriously. Where is it?


Next post on a more apron-ish topic: Me and Cooking