TEN

TEN.

Ten years of this guy.

Ten years of sleepless nights.

Ten years of relentless love.

Ten years of amazing firsts, mine and his. First giggle. First pouty lip. First scraped forehead. First hour away from mama.

Ten years of worrying.

Ten years of antics. Robot man with buckets on his head. Dancing the gaga dance. Greeting everyone with "hellobabahowyoudoing?" Wearing a clip on tie and superhero cape to the grocery store. Charming the socks off of everyone.

Ten years of thinking outside myself, letting a piece of my heart climb to the top of the jungle gym, scooter down the steep hill, go off to school, run and play with other kids who may or may not be kind.

Ten years of tears, mine and his. Why don't they like me? Why can't I stay with you forever?

Ten years of squint-eyed laughter. Eyes crinkled up, twinkling in delight.

Ten years of doing anything to make that little face light up.

Ten years of impossible questions. What is death. Where is it. Why am I here. Who am I. And on and on until drifting off into sleep, mind swirling with all the unknowns of life.

Ten years of managing expectations, ten years of learning patience, ten years of setting the day up for success, ten years of What will he like best, ten years of learning to think of someone else before myself, ten years of joy and grief and frustrating heartache, and more joy.

Ten years of life.

Ten years of motherhood.

Thank you, my little man.