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Wednesday, August 18, 2010



Show mama a little love.

Shout out to all stay at home moms out there. LORDHAVEMERCY THIS IS HARD.

I mean really. Some days I laugh at how ridiculously hard it is. Like, can I just go sit in an office and grovel at some boss and do tedious computer work???


Now before I go any further this is in no way to denigrate/discriminate against working mothers. That is hard too. I did the work from home thing for four years, challenging in its own way. I have also sat in an office and done all that. It is hard too. This is just where I am right now…

……AT HOME…..


…….WITH……………THEM. Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Ok. Yes, ha, I just wrote a blog the other day about how great a routine we had and all. Sure yes, this is true. Most days.

Other days. Like today for example.

Playdate at park. All fine and good. Stroller ride home, teething crabby baby girl who only wants to nurse falls asleep for 15 minutes. SHE WILL NOT NAP AGAIN. She nearly falls asleep. Several times. Little man wakes her up. SEVERAL TIMES. Together they destroy every room in the house. Little hooligans. Baby girl loses my phone. Still don’t know where it is. Together we pick up the upstairs, even mopping the floors, in an effort to regain control of my day. Then, they destroy the basement family room. They are right now dumping every single toy in one giant pile. I feel like screaming. It’s like anticipating a train coming to run you over. CHOO CHOO. COMING TO GET YOU. LOUDER AND LOUDER IN YOUR EAR. I am ignoring it.


It is hard.

So I am typing.

I literally spent 10 minutes out of every hour today locating some random toy little man absolutely had to have.



I would call and ask, but I can’t find my blasted phone.

When my good-natured, even-keeled child is on edge (teething, nursing ALL DAY) it makes it that much more challenging.

Why does no one appreciate the mental stamina mothering requires? Why does no one tell us? Warn us? For God’s sake, no one warned us!

The other day someone commented on how hard my husband works, too hard they said (he does the whole attorney-by-day, waiter-by-night bit). Yes, he does work hard. I am lucky and proud. But, I must add, that when dada is gone for 14 hours, um. Well, um, I am also working for 14 hours.

And, I am pretty sure dada gets to pee by himself (unless maybe a chatty boss tries to corner him in the men’s room?) He also probably doesn’t get followed around all day with someone yammering in his ear. “MAMA, put my mask ON. IT’S COMING OFF HELP! WAAAH. Mama? I don’t want it on anymore. GET IT OFF!” “Mama, milk? Milk? Nap? Milk? Now? Pease?”

Ok. I envy those with an office today. Shut the door. Give me some mindless work. Maybe even, gasp, something that requires my brain (my two degrees!). No problem.

The constant emotional neediness of mothering is, well, constant. It’s draining.

Why is it that society doesn’t seem to appreciate the actual work involved? I mean, no one says, “Hey, you went above and beyond today, mopped floors, dealt with teething baby, took the 4 year old to a playdate, AND made banana bread? Wow. Way to go Johnson-Steffey. Be looking for that bonus check soon.”

I mean, why don’t we get mandated lunch breaks? Even pee breaks?? I mean, come ON!

Not to harp on the peeing alone thing but it kills me. I tried to explain this to little man. Privacy, etc. Nope.
Didn’t get it at all. And then when daddy is home. “Hey hon, can you watch the kids, I am gonna be in the bathroom.” Seriously? SERIOUSLY? HOW DO YOU THINK I PEE ALL DAY? But, I digress.

The life of the stay at home mother is rewarding in itself though, right? The little hand on your face “I WOV OO mommy!” Yea yea yea. Etc. etc. etc.

It does do it….most days. Some days though. Some days I think mothers deserve more. More recognition. More community. Seriously. My husband spent his early childhood years living in community with a group of folks in Massachusetts. Not a bad idea, when one is a stay at home mommy. Wouldn’t it be great to have another mommy right here? Hey, can you watch the kids a second, I just need to shower quick. Or, hey, can you give me a minute to walk outside? I am about to flip my lid. Wow. Imagine that.

Maybe we can make this kind of community. We need to prop each other up every now and then. Call each other. Invite each other over for coffee. To drop in whenever. Bring each other a meal when you know someone is having a rough week. (I like lasagna. Joking....kind of....HA) Or you can all come run away with me to my yurt community in Northern Minnesota, or perhaps somewhere more temperate (I am up for suggestions). Insert smiley face guy.

So mothers. I think we need to give ourselves a pat on the back. It is the toughest work ever. But we are stronger than we knew.

And they are proving it to us. Ha.

P.S. I wrote this yesterday. I found my phone…and my composure…didn’t want to leave you in any kind of suspense.

P.S. #2 This post is for my mama. 35+ years as a SAHM, with sanity intact. A-FREAKING-MAZING.


  1. All I can add is AAAAAAAAAAMEN sister!!!

  2. Amen, indeed!!! I'm so glad you found your phone, and a little bit of your sanity. Seriously, you're a warrior--you have to be to do this job.

    I "clocked out" at 8:30 tonight and took the dog for a very quiet walk. Still had to pick up poop, but it was a small price to pay, because the dog can't talk, so she can't ask me for things. Repeatedly.

  3. i laughed all the way through this!!! when daaniel was little i used to play peek-a-boo with longer and longer "away" times so that i could hurry and go to the bathroom without him screaming cause he couldn't see my face!!! oh don't i know all about it...

    those days are when i would stand in the middle of the house and call Mooooooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyy!!!!! loud and whiney, the boys thought it was funny to see my distress, you know, when you are laughing but there are the tears right behind the laugh! thankfully they didn't see the tears, just heard the whine and laughed at silly mommy... till they got older and started asking at the right moments, "Do you want your mommy?" Anyway, it does get better hunny! hang in there!!!
    love ya!

  4. well..maybe still intact! Love ya Babe, you're doing an awesome job. Hang in there!

  5. ha ha tracy! that made me laugh. i volunteered on the night i wrote this to go run an errand across town, during traffic. fun times.
    stacy....ha. glad to know i am not the only one.
    kisses mom.

  6. My little one can't say anything but he tries. I swear he knows when DH is away, working for 12 hrs, he never sleeps all the way through the night. When DH is home sweet as pie, sleeps through the night. I want to cry some days...Not looking forward to him following me into the bathroom, when he is more mobile.

  7. mills - welcome! they ALWAYS know when daddy is around...that dada magnet is so strong! the days where you want to cry are so hard (umm, yesterday?) but the days that are good and the moments in between make it a grand adventure like no other :) hang in there! its actually kinda easier when they are mobile, give him some blocks and run to the bathroom really quick! yay! independence!
    keep visiting with us!


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