the end of days

First off, lets start off this post with maternity photos I had done by a sweet friend here on campus. The amazing thing about this community is the lovely talented people everywhere and she is totally one of them. Dude. Aren't these beautiful??

Now that we got show and tell out of the way, I have to ask, how are you guys at the end of pregnancy?

I am, um, slightly volatile. Like a pendulum I swing from desolate to manic-y stress to elated to calm to exhausted. Within an hour. All of this.

The swinging has me dizzy today. 

I am sitting in my homeschool chair, books piled on the table around me, and my crabby little man sitting on the couch saying to me, "fine mom, I'm here. What do you want me to do??" (I caught him researching strategies for the game he's addicted to on the iPad and now he's peeved at me.)

I look at him. 

He looks at me.

Um.

Here. Grammar workbook. Uh. Then some math.

I have nothing right now. 

And so, the end of days are upon us.

Every contraction I worry. But we don't have a carseat yet! Our car only seats 5!!! And dada assures me it will all be okay. 

And then I just want it all to be over. So I can move again. And not worry. And have a baby tied to my chest and get on with life. Instead of WAITING WAITING WAITING.

Again, as with the moving here. I am great at new things. Bad at transitions. 

The going back to newborn days is a transition, but one I feel like we will be okay with. Its just all the workings out of it all. Getting into that routine of feedings and little sleep and school and my new life of work and dada's crazy work schedule.

How. 

How.

HOW???

My brain does this every night from around 4-5:30am for the past several days.

Ah, the end of days.

The best thing I think, is just to put that all in the future. You can't deal with it now, dear tired Sara. So, deal with it then. Get some rest. Turn on Netflix. Eat more chocolate. 

It will be okay.

Probably, even, pretty damn good.

So I look at pretty pictures of things I want to get baby on Amazon and Target. And try to conjure up an image of me kicking ass at All The Things with a baby attached to my chest (instead of painfully wedged inside my uterus, HA)

Here is the other conundrum I face. 

Gathering all the stuff. You know. The Baby Stuff.

I gave away all my baby stuff. Well, most of it. And the rest of it is sitting in a storage unit. I did have the foresight at 10weeks pregnant before we moved to pack a few boxes of things. Some cloth diapers none of my sisters could use for their babies. Some newborn clothes I couldn't bear to give away. And my mom sent these a while back. 

But it presents me with the situation of needing new gear. Stroller. Onesies. Car seat. Bassinet. Hats. Breast pump. LORD HAVE MERCY.

So. What do you really need, for the later-in-motherhood-been-there-done-that-but-already-got-rid-of-all-the-baby-gear-stage-in-life.

What would be on your list???

(I wrote about all of this of course, back in the day, here and here and here. But let's not deny me the fun of listing out my current must-haves, k?? HAHAHA)

Here is my list of must-haves:

First off. The diaper bag. Folks. I have been carrying around the ugly stained diaper bag - littered with lollipop wrappers, crumbs of sticky granola bars, half melted crayons and wadded up wet wipes in a ziplock baggie- in one form or another for TEN YEARS NOW. I AM TIRED OF THE DIAPER BAG. Thus I have decided, mama has another baby at near-40? Mama GETS A PRETTY BAG. It will fit diapers and all the associated crap. Also a laptop, notebook and other work-ish things. YAY.

Here is my choice.

RIGHT?? SO PRETTY.

The second must have. A woven wrap. The jersey knit ones are fine and good but people, it is hot here, and I am going to be teaching this summer, with a baby tied to me half the time, walking around campus. My dark brown wrap used for Baby #3 just wont cut it. This woven one though. Such pretty happy colors, light weight, and according to the reviews the woven fabric helps it stand up longer to weightier babies. And as all my babies have reached 20 lbs by 6 or 7 months...this is a good thing. This one is an Ella Roo wrap.

These have been at the top of my wishlist for months. So yesterday. Tired day of me waddling to meetings, I come home to a package. MY SISTERS GOT ME BOTH THINGS. Seriously. Tears. 

The bag is so so lovely. 

The colors in the wrap are so so vibrant. 

I get happy walking by the stash of baby things just looking at both. 

 

We opted for a pack n play that moves from newborn to older baby level. We can't fit a crib in our house and as we end up cosleeping anyhow this seems like a good fit. Portable. And can be a napping and then play space for baby that is safe and contained. Thanks to a group of coworkers we have this one!

I really really want one of those click in travel system stroller deals. You know the kind. Lift sleeping baby out of car, whilst still in carseat, click into stroller, away we go to teach, run errands, chase kids hike all over campus, etc. And it has to be a jogging stroller with a true front tire that is inflatable, not the cheap-o solid plastic kind. The one here is Graco something or other.

These things matter to the fourth time mama. HA.

Also. Baby socks and shoes. Robeez style shoes are the only things that work. Period. Everything else is cute but they wont stay on. Then socks. So many tiny little cute ones. My babies all have ridiculously long skinny feet. The teeny tiny socks dont work. I have to get the stretchy kind that you can fold up.

Hmmmm. What else?

Shirts and gowns. Shirts are a must when cloth diapering a newborn. Also for the whole newborn belly button thing. Not onesies. I find that onesies simply beg to get stained, wick out leaks, and etc with cloth diapers. And really little side snap shirts with a cute diaper cover are enough for around the house in a tropical Hawaii like climate. Although new babies get cold easy so sleeping gowns are important too. Easy to hike up for middle of the night changes. And then for sure some traditional snap up sleepers with footies. 

I've also got these woolen lovelies. A little tie hat (I need to sew more!) and two shirts. They are a wool silk blend, soft, and great for layering if the evening air gets cool (like when it was 75 the other day and I was shivering...HAHA) And, I mean. They are Danish. I'm a sucker for anything baby related with a European label. 

Pacifiers. I know I know. Controversial. My babies have all benefited from a pacifier here and there. I found this kind online that now I MUST have. All natural rubber??? Yes. Please. 

As far as toys and playyards and such and such. I find that stuff to be useful, here and there, but with three adoring older siblings gazing into this little guys face all day I'm pretty sure we'll be okay with visual stimulation. HA. That said. I love wooden and natural rubber teethers and rattles. Anything mass produced in China freaks me out. I may get one of those "play mat" things down the line, but a quilt on the floor with a few toys does the same trick. 

What else? A lambskin rug. We have three sitting in our storage unit back on the mainland. Why did I not ship them?? But, this guy will need his own too. So, I found a farm that produces their own, more naturally tanned skins. Now to convince dada on the price tag. HA. But seriously, so pretty and soft looking, I want to cuddle one. I use these for diaper changes and laying baby down on for tummy time. Natural soft and warm. 

This has morphed into the most boring ass post ever. So here are some pictures of some of the wish list items I'm drooling over.  Do you see my vision here? Soft blues and greys and vibrant rainbow colors and wood teethers and natural fabrics and muslin swaddling blankets? 

Ah. Pretty. 

why would you have a giraffe teether if you can have a goat???

clearly my child
must have this book...

love the soft grey

are these bibs too hipster??

have you seen these
lit inspired baby books??

disana woolies! the best!

also, clearly my baby needs this quilt

aden and anais
 have a new baby
clothing line! i want it
ALL

Okay. 

I can do this.

I'm guessing 7-10 days....I can make it...