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Saturday, February 8, 2014

saturday and seeds

Saturday.

Blankets.

Coffee.

Cozying.

Sunshine.

Pancakes.

Ipad games.

Blues Clues.

Fire in the stove.

Chop some wood.

Steaming homemade chai.

Sit at the table, writing.

And here I am.

I have a headache. I took some of this and some of that but nothing seems to cut it. Now I feel fuzzy and hazy with a headache in the back of my brain, sucking up rational thought.

But still. I sit at the computer. Staring at my novel in progress. Thinking, mulling, I could finish this. This could really be something.

Do you ever feel like that about the dreams rolling around inside you? One glorious moment one day you wake up, after taking baby steps for years, and think, soooooo, okay, this could be something, this might actually all happen!

And you are aghast.

And for awhile you let it all sit there. Thinking about it. Not sure whether to be excited or not. Because, oh the work of it, so consuming! And the kids and the house and the cats and the chickens and the schooling and the grocery shopping, and how to do all that and this? HOW?

But then you sit down the next day, and you do it.

And the next day. You sit down and do it again. And the words pour out.

And baby step at a time, you make it happen.

And this is when the feeling of suspicion, hesitating belief in oneself, becomes full throttle "DAMMIT THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN."

And you keep showing up. And you keep going at it. One step at a time. 500 words here and there. A painting here and there. A phone call to a contact. A conversation over coffee.

Then suddenly.

DAMMIT, this IS happening!

And it seems unbelievable. Who me? This is someone else, right?

Me?

Really?

And this is where I am at lately, dear mommies.

Dada is shaking things up, making things happen, his dreams which combined as we are makes it OUR dreams are getting there, one baby step at a time.

And I got a random phone call last month, saying oh yea, that thing we have been talking about for years (TEACHING. HAWAII). Let's do that. Now. And. Folks. I think. I think its going to happen.

Scary as shit

Beautiful as all get out.

And I realize how dreams are just seeds.

The work of the garden seems like it is the thing. Out in the sun. Sweating. Planting. Digging. Weeding. Watering.

But the work is also done in February. Flipping through catalogues. Comparing varieties of beans and sweet corn. The best deals on berry bushes and strawberry plants. Solidifying those dreams. You've got to have the seeds to plant the garden.

And suddenly its May. And it is time to plant. And you get the call. And the book idea that swirled around in your head is actually SOMETHING worth planting. And those pictures of what could be is starting to become. Real. And you keep at it. And you feel blessed. And you are.

Now about those goats and that yurt....

HA!

Hope your February is full of dreams. Garden planting time is around the corner!









3 comments:

  1. So excited to share your dreams,and that you share them with us! xo MHGJ

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks MGG!
    love you marian :)

    ReplyDelete

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