This is where I have been these past few weeks I suppose.
The real is big. Very big. And today the big-ness of it is just exploding out of me. So rather than glossing over, I need to write. I need to write real.
One. I have a MASSIVE headache. It feels like someone is driving a screwdriver into the back of my skull. This perhaps makes self-editing difficult. So, again, the writing explosion.
Two. Things have been happening this winter. Crap things like running out of propane because we used it up quicker than we thought and our delivery was late and then the price of propane (insane) has been making life difficult all around. And then our account got hacked and so we twiddle our thumbs and wait for the bank to give it back. Eventually? And then it snows a million feet yesterday and dada is stuck in town and ALL the kids want to do is watch Netflix and what with the headache and such I cant say no. Physically. Unable. To. Say. No. And after weeks of stuff like this I am ready for the crap things to run out. I mean, right?
You would think I am hopped up on painkillers right now the way this post is coming out. Nope. I am not. Though I think we have something stronger than Tylenol somewhere around here...
And now Daniel Tiger is singing. Loudly. MAKE IT STOP.
Three. Other things have been happening. Good things. And I am gonna put myself out there - since this is a "real life-unglossy" post - and tell you about it.
Writing. Amazingly well. Like the story is there just waiting to come out. And I just have to show up. Not to say its any good, mind you, that remains to be seen. But its a-coming. SO there is that.
Other doing. Namely, Hawaii, teaching, me AND the fam. And I think its gonna work. And possibly turn into a little org that does this. With me doing the doing-ness of it. And. I think. Really? I can do all this? And I know it can happen, or it could, but to date my life has been quite small for several years, and this rapid expansion, well, rather blinding. You know? (That could also be the migraine auras?)
So. In any case. Baby sniffles. Messy house. Headaches. (Dada says, "go lie down in a dark room?" and I think "yes, that would likely help. buts its NOT HAPPENING.") I am in my fleece pants, again. But we have figured out how to do a huge fire in the wood stove which has cut the propane use in half and I think I found someone to come in and help clean the house here and there and its nearly March and then, you know, cheese ball me, its the dreams. The dreams are becoming real. And it feels like I am just stepping up to claim them. And I standing here rather in awe.
So I thought I'd share. There it is, in the clicky-link on the right. My ideas all open and shit, for everyone to see. Kinda freaky/freeing all at once. Which pretty much describes the best things in life, right??? (This is what I am telling myself anyway.)
|adventuring kitty. this stuff is COLD. ha.|
|mom, he says, whats your favorite thing to do? um, sleep? no, mom, I mean really. Maybe reading? writing? |
mine is reading mom. I love to read. I told this to dada and we high-fived. we are doing something RIGHT!
|this is what the house looks like right now. okay fine, EVERY DAY.|
|hey kids. a branch fell near your snowman last night! OH, did it kill him?? HA HA.|