Monday, January 10, 2011
How is that for an opening line? Do you sense the whiney-ness about to come? Be prepared. You were forewarned.
No it’s not that I am whiney. It’s….hmmm.
I feel eh.
I am the type that really needs a what-is-next goal to strive toward, daydream about, obsess over, etc.
I don’t have that right now. And it’s really weirding me out.
For the first time in 5 years I don’t have a baby in the house and I am not pregnant. This is a real shift in existence. I told my husband it’s like I have been living my life day-to-day. Not looking up. And suddenly I find myself looking up. And it’s freaky. There is a big wide open horizon, with no clear road to go down.
What is next?! Where are we going?! Quick, look back down!!
Instead of dealing with this I am finding obscure things to obsess about.
Most recently I was obsessed with purchasing this ridiculously under-priced really super cool dome house out in the country. With land. And a creek. And an orchard. And A DOME HOUSE. I mean, how cool is that? (Can you tell I am still obsessed with it?) I spent no less than two solid days designing a floor plan on this website and obsessing over how we would upgrade it (a sauna in the basement! A craft studio above the garage!)
When I informed dada he was slightly alarmed at the level of my obsession.
Umm. Honey. That would be like an hour commute for me.
Yea? So? You could work from home part-time! I could homeschool the kids!
WE COULD RAISE GOATS!
Good grief I am ridiculous.
I totally want to be a goat farmer.
Think of the cheese!!!
(Hmmm. Goat cheese….)
My husband’s response? Honey, you have dreads. You can’t be a dreaded goat farmer!
Ummm. Sure I can. Watch me.
Yet here I am. Sitting in a duplex in a major city. I couldn’t even grow tomatoes last summer, let alone goats.
But really, it’s not about the goats. Or the dome house.
Today I found my mind wandering to my former occupation and obsessing over working again in some exotic locale. (Dada can be the stay at home/homeschooling parent, right?)
And I think, good grief Sara, what is going on here??
I keep on going back to this – being faithful in the little things. The day to day. And letting life fall into place. Although, it is a fine balance between letting it fall into place and getting up the gumption to pursue your next big adventure.
I don’t know where the line is. Maybe that is my problem.
Maybe I just don’t know what I am talking about. That could very well be the case.
Maybe I just need more coffee. Or less? One of the two certainly.
The whole adventure of life is both exciting and exasperating in its mystery. I WANT TO KNOW. But knowing would make it way less fun.
Maybe I just want a hint?
Or, to look at it the other way.
Maybe I need to figure out what it is I want? What direction our little family wants?
Right now, in this moment, hmmm...
I want to be a goat farmer/international adventurer who sells baby shoes on Etsy whilst writing the great American novel and raising 47 of the world’s best babies.
Ready. Set. Go.
(I dont know the rules about embedding you tube videos. But this one fits this post perfectly. Man, I love this song....)