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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

the sun, the rain, and the apple seed

Every night for dinner we sing the old tune accredited to Johnny Appleseed, kiddies gathered round the table, its our call to focus in and be present, and the words have been resounding in my head this week as we gather the last of the cucumbers, pull up another cabbage, turn over the soil in the brussel sprout bed (that never produced??) and pick out and dry seeds to save in envelopes for next year.

And I think of the truth they hold for this time of life, this mommying life, where things like fighting over princess dolls and playdates gone awry and schooling choices and longing for date nights and worrying over doctor bills and screen time and your career, someday somehow, and it all, everything, all feels like so much. Too much. And we hold it all inside.

And then this little voice starts making its way through. A tiny hopeful voice. And in that moment, as the toddler pulls the cats tail and the big kids start into an epic battle over who hit who and you realize its 4pm AGAIN and you have no idea what to do for dinner AGAIN. And you find yourself swooping in to scoop up the toddler, toss the cats in the laundry room, oh crap, laundry, and you yell at the kids to JUST BE QUIET and then you hear it again, that voice, reminding you, it is, in all of it, it is so good.

Oh, the Lord has been good to me.
And so I thank the Lord.
For giving me the things I need
The sun
And the rain
And the apple seed
The Lord's been good to me.

And I think of these words, in my life. The sunny days of beautiful warm October. When the kiddies play nicely, my energy keeps up with their energy, the work of the day comes easy. Those times in life, when things seem full and blessed and lovely.

And the rain. Rain, which has such a different meaning when you are a farmer - or a hobby gardener in our case. Rain isn't a curse. Rain isn't a bad day. Rain is a blessing. Rain is life. And I think about those times when life felt heavy, and how I grew, how I needed the rain of those grey days, to be who I am today.

And the apple seeds. The little nuggets of hope. The emails from a friend on a rough day, the perfect cup of coffee in the sunshine, those moments where the kids actually LIKE the craft you tried to do, when your little man looks up from his math to say, "I really like this!" Those moments are my apple seeds. My reasons to have faith. To keep fighting the good fight.

Because its good. And its worth the good fight.



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