on getting away

So I know I don’t write much about dada. It’s easy to be all la-dee-da about mommyhood. Not so much talking about grown up things like marriage and relationship. For me anyway. Let’s face it having young kids is hard on a relationship. It’s tiring.



we took the kiddies to the aquarium before we left -
yes, totally to assuage our guilt, ha.

Your evening interactions are spent thus:

Partner A comes in from work

Children attack Partner A

Partner B yells hi from the kitchen

Partner B gets dinner ready... okay well Partner A usually does this part while Partner B zones out on the computer for ten minutes, truth be told

Both partners fully and necessarily engaged in getting kids to eat dinner. Partners may or may not get a chance to eat whilst food is still warm

Partner A cleans up from dinner whilst Partner B rounds up children like cattle into bathtime

Both partners required for bathtime, getting PJs on, getting teeth brushed etc.

Partner A reads book to child A whilst Partner B reads book to child B (why? Because they insist on their own stories in their own beds, well, on difficult nights anyway)

Partner A lies with child A until child A falls asleep which typically includes multiple requests to hold still, stop kicking, etc. – usually Partner A drifts off too until Partner B comes in the room and kicks his foot to wake him up

Partner B lies with child B for five minutes until child B falls asleep then gets up and sneaks out of room to go watch TV or surf the internet for 30 minutes until child A is finally asleep
Partner A joins Partner B in watching said TV or lying on the couch reading for perhaps 15-30 minutes before a word is spoken. Then a conversation like this follows, maybe during commercial breaks of some generic police show or pawnshop reality program:

spooky jellyfish...totally looks like a placenta in this picture

“Oh, hi. What is your name again?”

“Sara, Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

“How was your day?”

“Long, you?”

“Same.”

“I need to go to bed.”

“Okay, I am staying up for awhile.”

“Okay. Good night.”

“Good night.”

And there you have it.

On the weekends the length of this conversation may or may not be doubled, depending on whether the children are contented listening to “Baby Beluga” whilst driving to Costco Saturday morning. There is usually an argument involved at some point between Partners who are both tense and tired. It typically involves who deserved to sleep in that morning and who between Partners is more tired.

Now, I don’t mean to scare off my three regular readers who are without children. More than this is possible. The point is that it is WORK. Lots of work. Anything worthwhile is of course, but especially marriage, and particularly when there are small children around.

So. We have tried to go on dates more often. We manage once a month, maybe. We generally don’t see movies on these dates. Because all you do is sit in the dark. Doesn’t really help forge connections, you know?

And then there is the overnight getaway. We have done three of these since having children. And only for one night each time. THREE. Now, here is the thing. I would honestly rather be at home with my kids. We both feel that way. But sometimes in order to have a conversation or reconnect in a significant way the overnight trip is a good thing. Probably should be doing this more than once every year and a half.

what a cute dada!

We recently had overnight away number three. In a shee-shee hotel five miles from our house. My lovely sister and her husband stayed with the hooligans overnight (even managing to keep child B asleep whilst changing pee sheets after child A had an accident. IMPRESSIVE.) We wandered two malls, couldn’t decide what to eat for dinner. Then I took a hot bath and was bored within 15 minutes (its quiet, too quiet). Dada went and retrieved me a burger and we stayed up too late watching dumb TV. I woke up half a dozen times, once for more than half an hour and woke up for the day at 7:30. All that said. It was good. We laughed. Even flirted a little. I can still flirt, apparently. We had the obligatory argument and still had a good time.

I think more than these kinds of trips it’s the little daily things. We text a lot. A LOT. Dada has found that he learns a lot about my day reading my blog entries! (HI HONEY, I LOVE YOU!) And I have realized that greeting dada with a kiss and hug when he comes in from work, a la June Cleaver, really IS a good way to reconnect after a long day. And dada knows that I love LOVE waking up to a clean kitchen so he often does up the dishes that are left from dinner when I turn in early for the night.

We could do more though. But, like with parenting, I think it’s a gradual thing we learn, how to connect, stay grounded, listen and love even with kids shouting and whining and laughing around us. That cacophony after all is the soundtrack of this thing called a family. We just need to hear the melody in it. Sometimes that can be hard.

And besides, these little beings will only be little for so long. Our trips to Italy for two weeks of sightseeing and wine tasting will come. And ohhhh, won’t that be lovely???

a spin on the carousel - gotta love the MOA. okay, you dont HAVE TO
but sometimes its fun....
by the I was totally in a panic that little man got the purple dragon
to ride as he had been talking about for a week.
"GO, THE DRAGON IS RIGHT THERE. GET IT!!"
phew.

So, how many of you get away regularly? How often? Any thoughts or tips on reconnecting?  Do share.