Follow these steps, or variations thereof, and you too can have a miserable morning!
1. Pour a half gallon of farm fresh hard to get milk on the floor
2. Put on an artsy sundress, pull out your brand new oil paints and canvases and go to town
3. Get out kids watercolors and let them paint too
4. Bask in your ability to paint with children, side by side in blissful harmony for 3.5 minutes
5. Begin fielding requests for "mamas paints??" As in "why can't I paint with mamas paints??"
6. Yell ridiculously loud when child B dumps water all over the table
7. Try to distract child #b and c with beads.
8. Forget to drink your necessary alotment of coffee
9. Forget to eat
10. Forget to feed kids lunch at exactly 11:30 am which is when they MUST be fed so as to not fall apart in desperate hunger within 30 minutes after
11. Think that child A can self monitor iPad consumption due to inspiring article read the night before. Realize you are wrong when said child whines and screams about sharing iPad turns. All. Morning. Long.
12. Yell at children about iPad
13. Yell at children about picking up the hundreds of beads on the floor
14. Step in cats milk (salvaged from aforementioned spill) whilst yelling
Having noticed the level of ridiculous grumpiness distilling down to even child C the following remedies were attempted with varying degrees of success.
1. Say sorry
2. Make Mac and cheese pronto
3. Catch yourself yelling about eating their lunch
4. Clean up mess of paints
5. Eat leftover Mac and cheese
6. Realize painting is quite nice
7. Thank kids for painting with you
8. Turn on music, loud music
And now little man stomped off. Apparently Adele station on pandora isn't his jam.
Mama can't win today.
So 10. mama calls dada to come take kids out for ice cream. Please. Hurry.
And finally, 11. Mama puts on video for baby and tries not to shriek when little miss says she's hungry 15 minutes after you fed her leftovers to the chickens.
Hurry home dada!