Yea, me too.
Good family time...followed by sick and/or crabby kids and grey skies and...
But it's nearly December and there is a tiny sprinkling of snow covering the dead blah earth outside and there are crafts to be done and cookies to bake and...a bottle of Baileys on the shelf (Ahhhhhh....)
It's gotta be a calm approach to the holidays though. I can't go at it all crazy eyed.
Craft! Decorate! Bake!
CRAFT! DECORATE! BAKE!
CRAFT!!! DECORATE!!! BAKE!!!
I want it to be a meaningful and restful season for us this year. Not crazed stressful mama trying to force holiday joy into every waking moment.
What is our peace this season? Where is our joy? You know? Ask these questions out of the day's activities. How can I bring this peace and joy into our day?
My little family curled on the couch in front of our new woodstove. (to be installed today!)
The kids excitement of opening the box of Christmas decor.
A community of faith around us that has embraced our family.
All of the blessings around me, this house, these kids, siblings who are always there for me, parents who love me, dada whom I adore.
Just enjoy it, right?
Simple things like going to get a tree out in the frosty air...
And then that tight feeling returns.
Remember what happened to me last year when we got a tree? Yes. I remember too, perhaps too well. Now I feel that apprehension building, that fear of doing that again to my sweet little family this year.
But I am in a different space and place, I tell myself, and recognizing those fears and being very purposeful about meaning of the season, rather than just frantic activity, will help overcome these worries.
Right??
Maybe.
I still have this nagging feeling, whispering in the back of my head, that I might break down and lose it and be unable to be a source of calm joy for my family again this year. And then I will be disappointed in myself and let the kiddies down...but...even so...even if that did happen, well, life would go on. Right? Knowing that, well, that's half the battle? (isn't that from the old GI Joe cartoons??)
Anyway. More than you wanted to know maybe.
I really am in a good space, comparatively. I am. It was just as I wandered around the holiday decor section of the town thrift store the other day with Feliz Navidad ringing in my ears I felt my stress levels rising, my chest getting tighter.
I didn't even realize this was why that happened yesterday until I started typing this post. Funny how I need writing for that.
Anyway, WAY more than you needed huh??
Moving right along...
So I had this great idea out in the woods with the kids the other day. There are lots of little baby trees crowded here and there, pine trees, and I thought about transplanting some to the front where we need more tree cover, but then ooooh first we could bring one inside! As a little Christmas tree for the kids! And our crafty time can be to make decorations for it! Then they will leave our big pretty tree ALONE! Yay! Win/win, right??
So, we went out and found a perfect little scraggly guy and brought him inside. Happy.
Ah Sara, this is going to be a long comment, I think! We had our Thanksgiving yesterday, and yes, predictably, the night was full of screaming awake children...oh dear.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I've been thinking about all of this too. How I love the holidays! How I want it to be beautiful and special and calm and holy for the kids, especially now that Gabriel will start to remember, etc.
But I think there's also a stress that comes from trying to find the peace and joy in every moment, because when it does NOT happen, in a generally more busy time of year, it adds extra panic. We're not being peaceful! AAH!
I'm trying to go into it with the idea that life will just be the normal doses of crazy and lovely, with some added moments of busy/Feliz Navidad/buy buy buy/craft craft craft/travel pressure, and some added moments of glowy lights and holy beauty. The tricky part is that you don't know for sure when those moments will be even if you plan for them: so will Christmas tree decorating be one or the other? Hard to say. But if it's not then, you'll find another moment. Maybe when you weren't even planning on it.
And you're totally right: even if it doesn't work out or you're disappointed in yourself or the kids, life does go on. Another moment will come. (Knowing that is half the battle! --that GI Joe catchphrase is permanently embedded in my brain too!?)
Anyway. Love the little tree! Love babywearing dadas! Love wood stoves! Hugs to you and yours, dear Sara.
hugs back dear friend! hope you are having a stress free (as much as possible) holiday season :)
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