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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

random musings while eating sherbet

I feel like I pretty much failed at GSO month. Maybe I can change it to GSO-in-October month.

Let’s see. I rearranged my living room. Reorganized some toys. I emptied some boxes. Ummm. I think I had the basement floor swept clean of sand at one point. Maybe.

Yes, I have a sandbox in my basement. Crazy I know.

I don’t really want to talk about it.

My sister made me these adorable Velcro tabs (that say “Playdate” “library” etc) to create a weekly pictorial calendar for the hooligans. I just needed to get a piece of felt to attach them too.

Yea, I still need to get that piece of felt.

Life has a way of compiling. Layer upon layer of sand, dust, soot, whatever, until we are blinking in the sunlight, wondering what is next and…

Huh? What was I saying?

You know what I am talking about.

Its not that I am in a bad space. Just a strange space. Contemplative.

I was driving with the hooligans in the car today. We are having a GORGEOUS string of fall days this recently. Like little amber colored gems. The sky is SO blue, as it can only be in the Midwest, the trees just reaching full color, the air a perfect 60 degrees. You can wear a sweater and scarf if you want. Or you can wear shorts. (We Minnesotans pretty much think that anything over 45 or 50 degrees is shorts weather.)

Anyway. I had taken the hooligans out for errands (I keep on thinking of them like that – the hooligans - is that bad?) Ok, fine, I was taking the “little darlings” out for errands, and I was very much not succeeding.

I think little man can sense when I am having days like this. Before we get in the car he says, “mom, do you have your wallet?” I check. “Yes. I do.” “Ok, you just forget it a lot.”

Thanks buddy.

(I discover later I did forget diapers though.)

We run a morning set of errands. Playdate! Lunch downtown with dada! (where I always feel like a slouch, mingling with “real” worker people in “real” clothes with “real” places to go and “real” people to see. )

We come home for 1.5 hours of naptime. Back in the car for more errands. Its like the kind of day where I miss the exit to the store not because I didn’t see it but because there was a car creeping up next to me in the right hand lane all aggressive like “hurry hurry get to the exit first!” and I went to pull over and quickly swerved back. Don’t hang out in my blind spot bee-otch, you know? So we miss the exit. Forget Target. I go to walk around a little corner of stores. Little man insists on pushing baby girl in the stroller. Fine. Whatever. We stop to get diapers at the Walgreens. They don’t have the all natural diapers I like. I buy little man a chocolate milk. He won’t drink it. Etc. Etc. Etc.

It’s like I am a paper boat getting swept along in the current of the day.

So we are driving home from all this and the bickering escalates. They are actually fighting over who gets the yellow car (the engine opens!) and who get stuck with the red one.

I tell little man to give in to his baby sister.

Then I turn the radio on – loud – and let them hash it out. (Do you ever do this? I do...often)

As I do this I suddenly feel my internal focus go from them to me. Its like all the outwardness of my day becomes wholly inward and I FEEL the blue sky I FEEL the sunshine. I am this thirty-something-year-old woman. I am driving a minivan. I have these crabbing kids. Just total awareness. Like an objective rather than subjective thought. Everything melts away and there is just me and blue sky and sun. (Don’t worry I am still alertly driving. HA.)

And then I come crashing back. The sensation is gone.

“Yes, yes, you are right. It’s definitely your turn for the yellow car. But we are almost home who is ready for some pizza??”

“PIZZA!” says little man.

“PISSA PISSA PISSA!” says babydear.

And the sun and the sky and the mama and the babies all say goodnight and go in to their little house and eat pizza.

The end.

*Edited to add. I just realized in typing a new post that sherbert should be spelled"Sherbet". Really? I had no idea...


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