a day in the life of a SAHM

So, as I was washing the endless pile of dishes the other day and little man came up to me whining about assembling some toy for him or something.( Mom will you PLEEEEEEEEASE attach xyz to abc. PLEEEEEEEASE. It’s like all I hear all day long.)

So I say to him. Umm, you know how dada goes to work in the morning? Yea. Well, this is my work. It’s my job. To take care of you guys and the house. And right now I need to finish these dishes. Your job is to go play. So go. GO. Okay mom. Geez.

And as I wash I think of how my day does compare to a day in an office.

Stumble out of bed to hit the alarm, pushing snooze a couple of times (Stumble out of bed to chase two year old… who unfortunately has no snooze button.)

Stumble down hallway to shower and then make coffee (Shower? What is that? Coffee is all that matters. MUST. HAVE. COFFEE.)

Commute to work. (Sit in armchair in living room for a good 30 minutes with coffee while the kids play. Maybe you get them breakfast first, maybe not.)

Sit down at your desk and plow through emails, perhaps reading facebook, CNN and Eonline celebrity gossip first. (Read emails on blackberry while sipping second cup of coffee. Read facebook.)

Sigh and refill your coffee cup for the dreaded Monday morning all staff meeting. (Sigh, go throw on some actual clothes - yoga pants and a sweatshirt - refill your coffee mug and attack the dinner dishes from last night which you didn’t do because you wanted to watch a movie with dada.)

Spend the next 1.5 hours listening to everyone talk about the work they have to do for the week. (Spend the next 1.5 hours trying to do dishes, laundry, and fielding she-hit-me-its-my-toy-no-its-not type of fun sibling interactions.)

Go back to your desk to do actual work. You will GET THAT REPORT DONE TODAY! (Kids play together nicely while you finish the dang dishes and perhaps do a crafty project or write a blog post or call your sister to complain about how dang cold it is. If the kids are lucky a friend comes over or you take them outside to play.)

Try to teach your intern how to use the department spreadsheet to track inventory. They totally don’t get it. Ack. Whose kid is this anyway? (Try to teach your four-year-old – AGAIN – how to put away his own clothes. He just gets mad and shoves them all in the toy box. Ack. Whose kid is this anyway? [HA HA.])

Lunch in the community kitchen for someone’s birthday. YAY. TACO BAR! FOR FREE! (Pick at kids uneaten lunches, try and get them to eat more, give up and give them fruit snacks while you eat a frozen burrito from the microwave. Hmm tasty.)

Two hours of quiet to work on that report. Boss is out of the office. YAY. (NAPTIME!!!! You scurry around doing work and turning around laundry and maybe MAYBE even eat a piece of chocolate stashed in the freezer while reading the latest Family Fun magazine. Maybe.)

Spend 10 minutes gossiping at the snack machine with your coworker from accounting about last night’s Amazing Race and the horrible outfit your boss is wearing today. (Ignoring your son’s plea for help with attaching his make shift bow and arrow to his make shift utility belt you spend ten minutes IMing your best friend about…last night’s Amazing Race ... and the terrible outfit your neighbor dressed her baby in the last time you had a playdate at the park. I mean, who puts their kid in a onesie that reads “Little Diva??” Isn’t that just asking for trouble!? )

Department meeting to discuss inter-office memo protocol. FUN TIMES. You resist pinching yourself to stay awake ... or gouging out your eyes with a pen. Barely. (Naptime is over. Kids play/squabble while you think SHIT, its four already?? WHAT DO I MAKE FOR DINNER?? You scramble to defrost some kind of meat and put rice on to cook. It’s a start right?? You start the kids watching for dada’s bus an hour too early. Then get a text saying he is gonna be an hour late. You give the kids some food and pick up the house and get them into bath. The day is almost over. Can you taste that gin and tonic yet???)

Commute home. (Kids in tub playing. You fold clothes in the hallway while watching them. While also checking facebook on your phone.)

You walk in the door. Greet the cat. Turn on the TV. Grab a drink. Put dinner in the microwave. Work a little on that report you never finished. Give up in order to watch that new DVD that came from Netflix. Ahh. Peace. (DADA IS HOME! But the fun continues. At least you have back-up now. Kids get wrangled into bed. On a good night they are asleep by 7. Dada runs to the store to grab ice cream while you warm up dinner. You sit down in front of the TV or with a book. Definitely with a gin and tonic. Or a bottle of wine. Perhaps even engage in an adult conversation. For approximately 45 minutes. Until baby starts whining. MAMAAAAAAA. Finally around 10pm you give up and take her to bed with you and surf the internet on your phone in the dark of your bedroom. PEACE.)

Shoot the boss, I mean the baby, is up from her nap.

Hmmm. Gin and tonic.

Is it quitting time yet?