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Friday, December 16, 2011

in praise of the sisterhood

So, yesterday I accomplished our most successful three-child outing to date. Pick up photos. Check. Go to cute little shop for kids to pick out presents. Check. (Although little man was ornery for a spell, insisting on "only a wooden weapon" for his present from sister...which prompted a lecture on the meaning of Christmas, Linus-style.)

So good in fact we then went out for coffee and a round of hot cocoa. And then, as we are driving home I think, heck why not go to the grocery store too! And we did. (I am still amazed at myself the next day. Wow. Impressive Sara.)

As we were leaving the store, two children in one hand, baby in sling, grocery bagging guy following us with purchases (we went to the nice grocery store, HA.) I caught eyes with another mama, heading into the store, a look of determination, bemusement, and just a hint of panic in her eyes.

She too had two energetic little people and a baby. And instantly we smiled at each other, that deep knowing smile that mamas only can exchange. And it said it all - "I just did it, you can to!" and "Oh, you managed to do it, I can too, right??"

I wanted to hug her, right then and there.

I love this sisterhood of mamas and the connection it brings. Instant understanding, empathy, support. Okay, and yes, we judge each other too, terribly sometimes, but we ALL know what its like to deal with a melt down in the candy aisle or comforting a scraped knee drama at the playground while holding a crying baby. We have been there, done that, earned the badge, the T-shirt. We Know.

So this then begs the question.

Why are we so lonely?

Our day progressed, and then quickly...regressed? That isnt the right word. Disintegrated. Baby didnt get enough napping in and proceeded to scream her lungs out when we got home. The kiddes insisted on hours of TV. I start losing it and find myself staring off into the distance. GOD, HELP ME.

So I see a Facebook message from a friend who I havent seen in years who is now also a mama at home all day with her babe. She was having a similiar moment. So I pick up the phone. And I call her.

She answers. HIIIIIIIII!! Like, OH HELP ME!! And I so know. I know. And we spend 10 minutes while kiddies are occupied in a staccato outpouring of overwhelming life details. Dadas are working too much and family pressures and life pressures and OH LORD what about our careers???

It was an amazing ten minute rally of support.

I don't seek this out enough. Okay, I blog so I guess I do. But bloggy comments and Facebook wallposts don't cut it sometimes. We need to reach out and love on each other, the sisterhood needs support. But we don't, rarely anyway. We are in our own little bubbles too often and sure, maybe we arent all hermits, like me (HA HA) but even the busiest mommies among us are lonely. We may do playdates, even going out, but we don't let each other in. Maybe we are afraid of the nasty side of motherhood. The judgy side. We are afraid to be real.

But the sisterhood is worth it. I have real sisters. Lots of 'em. They are my best friends. My best mommy friends. We love. We judge, sure, get in little spats (although we dont bite and pull hair like we used to HA HA). But always, we love. We are amazing creatures, us mamas. We need to high five for it more often. Maybe even a hug.

So, this winter, when we mommies sit at home in what often feels like solitary confinement, lets find each other. Right? Love on each other. Brew a pot of coffee and invite each other over. Or just call. I promise I will answer, although a baby may be screaming on my shoulder.

Much love mamas.


  1. Sara,
    Before you guys moved to RW, and for a bit afterwards, we mommies used to meet at a restaurant, that is now non-existent, on Thursday nights. Some moms would get there at 6PM others would trickle in when they could. We were often there, a whole group of us, until midnight when they closed. There are a couple of things that I remember about these times. They were fun. They involved chocolate. Sometimes we cried, often we laughed and many times we prayed with one another right there in the restaurant. It was a ten year time of encouragement and I'm not sure I would've remained a sane momma without those times.

    Plus, it was one night a week where Daddy was required to be home with his kiddos. All these things worked together to create wonderful perspective.

    I hope you can get more sisterhood time and if you do, make sure to have chocolate and lots of laughter!


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