an attitude of gratitude

So, I don't know if you have picked up on it at all but I have been enormously crabby this week, which is really wrong of me I know, especially headed into this week.

My excuses are thus: Baby girl is getting another set of teeth. Winter ice has set in. The sky is dull November grey. I have been miss crafty galore but my projects aren't turning out the way I like. (Don't you HATE that though? I tried on this felted sweater coat I am making for the boy this morning, so pleased with myself right? He shrugs it off and says "its itchy." Fine. Forget it)

To give you a sampling of my mood. Little mister misplaced his "flash" hat I made. For two days we thought it was lost. I actually cried. Such a loser admitting that but, it happened. I am tired to the point of tears. Its that "finals" feeling, remember from college, where you close your eyes for a brief moment and they just want to stay closed? Totally that. It must be some kind of hormonal crap I suppose (I mentioned this possibility to dada and his eyes lit up "dear God I hope so!" Poor man)

Yes. THAT kind of week.

So today we forgo church and Sunday errands. I force the kids to let me watch meet the press. You get cartoons all week. Its MY TURN.

Little miss follows me around begging for "milk-a-milk-SIDE" as she now calls it. So, I give in. We sit and cuddle on the couch. She falls asleep. Dada brings peppermint tea, a bowl of salt and vinegar chips and the Sunday paper and mercifully takes the boy downstairs to play a rousing game of chess (complete with his own set of rules, which basically involve him never losing, boy not dada).

And here I sit. Absorbing the white grey sky, the dark fingers of trees piercing the skyline, little girl curled up on my chest. Thankful.

Its so easy to lose the forest through the trees as a parent, especially in those tired frazzled moments (like when demands for milkamilkside wake you at 3am...and 4am...and 5am) And you snap. And you pick a fight with dada about whose turn it is to sleep in (we ALL have that fight, right?) And suddenly your house is a disaster. Your kids ruined for life. And that cubicle sounds downright attractive.

That downward spiral is so icky. Do you do this? My college friend and I called it deep darkness. All light disappears and you are momentarily blinded by negativity.

But (thankfully, or out of necessity really) as the years have gone by I have learned to recognize - and even overcome! - that descent. Its almost like you have to stop and pull your mind out of yourself for a moment, look down on yourself like a benevolent spirit. Look at that little blonde head laying on your chest Sara. That beautiful smart (too smart?) boy in the corner playing. Look at them. No. Really look at them. They are delicious amazingness! Strong little bodies. Perfect. Smart funny little minds absorbing the world you present them. And that dada! His warm face smiling as they play, eyes crinkled at the corners. Poking his head around the corner to ask if you need another cup of tea. This little cozy (crazy) house full of love and laughter. Dear friends and family a phone call (or text/facebook message) away. You are loved! You are blessed from above!

And the ickies melt away (or lift significantly anyway, ha!) And that mantle of crabby foreboding, it cracks. This little blonde head of curls won't be napping on your chest for much longer. Drink it in! Her little sighs. That hand wrapped around a lock of hair. Secure and safe in her mama's arms.

And yes. I am thankful. Teary, (and still tired) yet thankful.